You Can be Great If You Really Want To

Before going to start the discussion and discuss its techniques that how to control the anger, first of all it is very important to understand the anger because there are so many people in the world who don’t have control over there anger and this thing destroy their lives as well as their family’s life. The thing that makes this topic difficult is that mostly people don’t want to accept this reality that they have some kind of problem and they feel that they don’t need any treatment. It is very difficult to convenience these kind of people for the treatment because sometime they become more violent and hurtful if you try to force and compel them for anything. You can’t force them until or unless they themselves understand their problem and join the anger group because once he joined the group it means that he is willingly joined it and want to make the things better and this good signs. The main purpose of anger management group therapy is that to learn the different techniques to the problem person that how to deal and control his anger and how they make their and life of other people easier and safer also. There are many techniques which are learnt in the anger group during the different sessions and good thing is that these techniques are much effective and give much positive results. One of the best the best technique which is given by the anger group for controlling the anger and which they advised to their people is relaxation because these kind of feeling such as anger and anxiety could be settle down with the relaxation exercises and some of these exercises are deep breathing, try different light mode exercises such as yoga and something like that. If a person has this kind of problem and become irritated, then it is best for him to start deep breathing and change its place and sometime relaxing imagery is also suitable because in this, the experts advices to a person to go to a happy place because in this way you can relax your nerves.

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Anger is one of the most dreadful things and it can severely affect your personal as well as professional life. Many among us do not have control over our anger and we tend to get irritated and annoyed very easily. It is the cause of conflicts with our family and friends. Anger management is important to solve conflicts and achieve happiness.

It also results in physical and verbal abuses that take the form of violence, beating, bullying and harassment. Anger can prove to be really harmful. It can create various disturbances in your family and among your friends. Anger is a serious psychological problem and many of us fail to accept this truth. But it can be controlled if you decide to follow certain therapies and join groups such as Anger Group that have psychotherapists and experts who will help you to deal with this problem. The therapists will teach you techniques that will help you to a great extent and you will definitely feel positive. The techniques taught by them help in reducing stress and changing thought process. Exercises such as yoga and deep breathing help in bringing down your anxiety and stress level considerably. These exercises help people to deal with anger and lead a healthy and happy life. Among varied techniques, Anger Group suggests yoga because it is the best way to relax your body and mind and to rejuvenate your senses. If you decide to join these groups then you have taken your first step towards leading a stress free and happy life. It already reflects a change in your attitude and a move towards positive thinking.

People are reluctant towards joining groups such as Anger group. They do not realize the harmful effects that anger poses and also do not understand that it degrades their life. It is a difficult task to compel these people to join groups such as Anger Group. This is because they tend to become even more violent. It is important to explain them the benefits of joining these groups and the positive affects that it brings along. A large number of people have benefited from this process. This is because of the fact that various sessions are being conducted and they analyze your problem and work upon it. Anger is a form of mental illness but that does not imply that it is a disease or a psychological problem that cannot be cured. It is a form of human emotion. We all get angry over certain conditions in our life. It only tends to be a major and serious issue when it takes the path of non violence and abuse. In order to be joyous and happy and to maintain good and cordial relations with everyone, it is essential to practice relaxation exercises and be calm and always think positive. Anger Group will certainly help you a lot and you can experience the difference and change in attitude once you join this group. Your loved ones will certainly feel joyous and happy and it is the best thing that you would have done for their well being and happiness.

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Anger counseling is a many splendored beast. Ever heard that old AA phrase or acronym HALT, for example? The acronym means that we are at greater risk for relapse when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.

Hunger, loneliness, fatigue, closed head injury, ADD, ADHD, family of origin, addiction and recovery, grief, forgiveness and reconciliation, automatic negative thoughts, stress, our response to facial expressions, all can play a part in the emotional experience of anger.

We are supposed to have anger by the way, it is the energy we use to solve problems. And it is also a secondary emotion, usually following another emotion like hurt or shame.

However, if we use anger to justify violence I think we subvert the purpose of our emotions.

The one thing that no other anger management program that I am aware of talks about is the speed of the Central Nervous System (CNS).

Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi,Ph.D., author to the book FLOW written in 1993, estimates that the CNS processes packets of non-verbal communication consisting of seven bits of data per package every 1/18th second.

That is 2x as fast as I can blink my eyes, which takes 1/10th second.

So you have to have your anger counseling tools in a place where they can be recalled very quickly.

Paul Ekman,Ph.D. who has worked for decades to develop a systematic catalog of human facial expressions says that all humans no matter what culture they are from, respond to a look of contempt in 1/25th second, and what that means is usually first hurt, then anger.

Any of you who are parents can remember how you felt when your children looked at you with a look of contempt. Even the memory of that look can bring back the hurt/anger emotions.

Michael Merzenich,Ph.D. of the Posit Science Brain Fitness Program says that Senior drivers need to prepare for changing road conditions in 1/45th second, which is about 4.5 times as fast as I can blink my eyes.

I also like to help folks in anger counseling understand that their internal chemistry or hormones change with each thought they have, and that we as human beings have on average about 200 thoughts per day which change our chemistry toward irritation and that we need to be prepared to name our feelings, their intensity, and to make some decisions about changing them much more frequently and much faster than perhaps we thought we did.

Sounds like mindfulness, doesn’t it?

Mindfulness, or awareness of what I am feeling coupled with deep breathing gives me a powerful tool to calm down if I am getting to hot.

John Gottman,Ph.D. and his wife, Julie Schwartze-Gottman talk about something they call Diffuse Physiological Arousal, or PDA, in their excellent workshop called The Art and Science of Love, which is for couples.

Their antidote for the awareness or mindfulness issue around strong feelings?

Take your pulse, and if it is over 100 beats per minute, take at least 20 minutes, especially for men, to calm down. Repeat that process as often as necessary.

Another tool that I teach for the awareness and mindfulness aspect of anger counseling in a biofeedback tool, called HeartMath, which trains the ability to regulate the time between heart beats.

When you learn Heartmath, you can feel good on demand, on any given heart beat. Your heart beat is actually a little slower than your CNS, but it is a much shorter intervention time than most of us are used to.

Heartmath is based on research in the recently discovered field of neurocardiology, which is the study of the heart’s own nervous system. The heart sends a great deal of data to the brain about how we are feeling, much more than the brain sends to the heart, and the heart’s brain is an affiliative and cooperative brain, which is good brain to use in dealing stress.

Heartmath works for your golf score and your brain fitness too.

Anger counseling involving Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) will involve recognition of automatic negative thoughts and disputing them in the case of REBT or creating a flow chart of evidence supporting your hot thought and evidence contradicting your hot thought in the case of CBT.

Once again, awareness will be a key piece of the anger counseling puzzle, but this time of thoughts, not just physiology or pulse.

When I do my anger management workshops, I frequently teach the Karpman drama triangle, or victim-rescuer-persecutor tool, and I teach about the grieving process using the Kubler-Ross model of grieving which includes a frequent movement between sadness and anger during the non-linear grieving process.

It is amazing to me that our culture teaches the grief process so poorly.

So many of my clients have a life time of ungrieved losses and perceived abandonments which impact their ability to trust, and if their CNS is overwhelmed by the physiology associated with a memory, their body may be moving before they can think about taking a pulse.

PTSD fits in this category, along with family of origin issues like physical abuse or child abuse or even witnessing violence.

Anger counseling always involves accountability, and to teach that I routinely ask my clients where they see me, and most of them are flummoxed by my question until I explain that they see me in their visual cortex, hear me in Broca’s area, feel the chair they are sitting on in the sensory motor cortex, smell in the limbic brain, ect.

In other words, their entire experience of life is inside their head, and their thought about that sensory experience is what brings the feelings, and we know that thought happens really fast.

No one can make me mad, my thought about things is what makes me mad.

Most of my clients have a hot spot when I call them on this over the course of the workshop, because being accountable moves them out of the very powerful victim spot.

Are their any tools that make your brain more effective for this awareness and choice process?

Yes, a very effective tool to use is taking your pulse.

If you find yourself getting excited, stop and take your pulse. If your heart rate is over 100 BPM, then take a time out for 20 minutes, which is very important for the guys.

Or learn to manage your physiology breath by breath by counting your breaths from one to one hundred, focusing only on the in and out of your breathing.

Focusing on the breath will leave you feeling relieved, aware, attentive, and relaxed.

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