You Can be Great If You Really Want To

The first thing that you need to do is to get yourself out of the situation of being confused and battered in your life and to do this, you need to take a step back and take stock of the situation that is your life. More than likely, your life is a mess, and it is a mess because you have allowed yourself to slip in and out of disastrous situations and let yourself come upon wall upon wall of negativity. You need to take a deep breath and meditate. Remember that thing in your chest you call your heart? When was the last time you have listened to it? What needs to be done is you need to internalise yourself and calm yourself down. Listen to the rhythm of your heart and slow it down a minute and take a pause. Look at your life from a top down perspective and from there, you can identify what has been going wrong with your life.

The next thing that you need to do is to make a list of the strengths that you have. These can range from your internal gifts, your aptitudes, your character traits which make you a good person and the abilities that you have either possessed or developed over the years. If possible, recruit the help of people that know you the best in this, as they will be able to give you a different perspective as well. Sometimes, our low elf esteem can get in the way of recognising the strengths that we have inside and this can be a problem when creating this list. You need to understand that this is important because it allows us to recognise what we are good at and then change the focus of different areas of our lives. Sometimes we do not even know that we are trying to do something that we are not even good at in the first place and because of this, we see ourselves as failures.

The last thing you can do is to create a short or long list of the sort of achievements and successes that you have been able to achieve over the past few years and what you need to do is to celebrate in some small way every one of them even if you have done it before. This is the feel good list that every self confidence instructor will tell their charges to make, and this list will help to get you back on track. Everytime you are feeling down or you are feeling that you are slipping back, take a look at the list and if that is not enough, take a deep breath and assess what is going on with your life.

These are some of the things you can do to ensure that you do not slip too far into no confidence or a life of low self esteem. Life is short, and you need to enjoy it as best you can and sometimes, confidence in doing that is the only thing that you need to do to get back that zest and energy in life.

The more bulging out our stomach looks, the more low our self confidence and self esteem would plunge. I have no doubt that your number 1 resolution this year would be to Lose Stomach Fat! The size of your stomach has a direct link to your wardrobe and wallet. The flatter your stomach is, you may look more presentable and confident in your outlook. You may be widely recognized and accepted amongst your peers. Same way, the more fat you have around your stomach, will restrict you from wearing the newest fashion designs and will have great difficulty in fitting in to them.

If you are like me, you may have already come to conclusion with not being able to lose fat from your stomach but are able to trim the other parts of your body. Weight gain is considered unhealthy and especially stomach fat is extremely dangerous.

Stomach fat will not only affect your health, it has a detrimental effect on your social, carrier and private life too. I used to be completely in housed some times because I dreaded the feeling of meeting people due to the shame of having a bulging out stomach. I was so embarrassed to take off my shirt in public places such as swimming pools and my stomach fat made me extremely self conscious, affecting my self esteem and confidence to a great extent. The worst was that I was not very fat, but had an extra large stomach and my peers would poke jokes at me asking me; how many months I have been pregnant and so on.

The worst was when my partner was very uncomfortable when having intimate relationships because of my excessive stomach. She would put it in such a way that it would not hurt me, but deep inside I was really depressed about not being able to get rid of this bulge.

My stomach would be the spotlight of any family gathering and would have almost all relatives suggesting various methods, so that I could get rid of this extra fat. I would listen to all this advice with anger and hatred against myself. No matter what exercise or diet plan I follow, I would always end up a failure, a loser in the fight against losing stomach fat. My bulging out stomach would always come out winner in our fight.

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There is absolutely no doubt that our society places a lot of emphasis on how we look. Take a look at the magazines in the checkout line at the grocery store. I guarantee you that at least one will have an article on losing weight, another will have an article about the latest celeb’s weight gain, weight loss, or plastic surgery, and another will have photos about all of the latest clothing trends. How we look impacts how we feel, and how we feel impacts the relationships that we have with ourselves and others. If you’re not feeling good about yourself and your esteem is sagging try taking a look at what is hanging in your closet. Seriously- take a look inside and really asses what is going on in there.

Are you wearing clothing that has rips, tears, stains, or holes in it? Are you wearing clothes that are extremely tight in hopes of losing a few pounds? Are you wearing clothing that you are holding around your waist with a shoestring, piece of rope, with safety pins clipped together? Is half of your closet filled with clothing that fit you 10, 15, 20 years ago that you only need to lose 20 or 30 lbs to fit back in to? Are your toes poking through your socks? Is the elastic shredding in your underwear? If the answer is yes- then it is time to clean your closet out!

Wearing clothing that is dirty, torn, falling apart, and that doesn’t properly fit you sends the following messages to people:

I don’t value me so you don’t have to either.
I don’t take myself seriously so you don’t have to either.
I am dressed this way because I don’t want people to get close to me- leave me alone!
I am a failure.

As I am writing this I can hear the excuses some of you are coming up with as you are challenged with the idea of getting rid of the junky stuff in your closet:

I don’t need any new clothes or shoes. My old ones are comfortable.
I don’t want anything new.
I don’t have the time to go shopping.
I don’t have the money to buy myself anything.

Behind all of those excuses is fear. Fear that people will recognize your failures.  Fear of stepping out of your comfort zone. Fear of how people will treat you when you change your appearance. Fear of dealing with people who are interested in you when you are not feeling comfortable with yourself. Fear of the expectation that you keep appearances up- what if you can’t get your act together and make yourself look clean and presentable? My favorite excuse: This is the way I am- you can take it or leave it.  If you present that option to people within the first 30 seconds of meeting- well guess what- 99% of the time people are going to leave it and wonder why you are carrying such a large chip on your shoulder.

Cleaning your closet (and the rest of your home) can be very therapeutic. Getting rid of things that don’t fit and that are broken- is like letting go of some of your failures. Think about it. If you walk in to your closet everyday for the past 10 years and look at those jeans that don’t fit you anymore, it’s like getting smacked in the face daily- you gained weight, you’re a slob, you’ll never lose the weight-it’s been 10 years, you are such a failure! Who wants that voice running through their head on a daily basis. Invest in some new threads that are comfortable, that make you feel good, and that make you happy.

If your budget is limited you don’t need to spend a lot of money on appearance or clothing. Many cities have clothing stores with everything under $10. Often times these stores have sales that are 3 items for $10. You can go to thrift stores or consignment shops and often find brand new clothing with the tags still on them. One of the best gifts I ever received came from a thrift shop. It was a real COACH bag that my friend had paid a whole $2.00 for.  If you don’t know what looks good or don’t know how to throw an outfit together, ask one of your friends to go with you. Or, take a look at several magazines and pull out photos of the styles you like. Make a collection until you have some ideas of what might look good together.

On a final note, everyone’s self esteem dips from time to time. When that happens to you, take a look at your surroundings. The way you feel about how you look and how you live can greatly affect your level of self esteem.

Your Assignment:

Pick a weekend to go through your closet. Weed out everything that you have not worn in the past year- if there is little chance that you will wear in the next year then give it away to someone who can use it.  Put everything that is worn or stained in a pile to give to a local animal shelter that uses old clothing and blankets for rags.  If you have several items that need to be sewn or repaired- give yourself a deadline to get it done. If you don’t get the work done by your deadline then give the stuff away to a charitable organization so that you can get a tax deduction.

After you have done all the work, weeding out the bad from the good stuff in your closet, set aside another day to window shop and try on some new things. Afterall, you deserve to feel good!

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