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Overcoming Self Esteem Issues after a Divorce

You never thought this would happen to you; when you signed the marriage certificate and said your vows in front of your friends and family; when you walked down the aisle in your stunning white dress and kissed your husband at the altar; when you danced your first dance as man and wife and enjoyed the luxuries of being a honeymooner, you never thought it would end like this. And now it has.

Divorce is never the preferred option but in some cases it is the smartest and only option left in a marriage. In fact, in one in two instances, divorce is the outcome. This does not mean that the marriage was a mistake- in fact, you should never think of a marriage as a mistake. It was a learning experience, a big part of your life, and a beautiful proof that it is possible to love and live in wedded bliss, even for a short period of time.

After the papers have been signed, the finances agreed on, the house sold and the custody battle completed, it is time to move on. However, this is easier said than done, especially from an emotional perspective. Your self esteem is most likely as low as it can go. However, it is possible to use the time after the divorce to boost your self esteem to new heights. Put past those feelings of failure and disappointment that have most likely been plaguing you long before divorce was even as issue. You need to let go of that negative energy and see yourself in a new light.

Moving On

One of the main reasons why divorce is so difficult is because there are all these negative feelings circulating in your head- fears of being boring, unattractive, unloving, uncaring and unbearable are common thoughts with devastating consequences to your self esteem. You need to shake these bad thoughts away before you can move on.

Self Esteem Boosters

First of all, do something for yourself. Go shopping, get a makeover, visit a spa- now is the time when you deserve to makeover your body, mind and soul. To boost your self esteem from the inside, consider joining a support group or talking to someone about the divorce in therapy. This can help you come to terms with what happened and help you get rid of that negative energy.

Getting Out There

Instead of heading straight back into the dating scene, why not concentrate on things you enjoy. If you love reading, why not join a book club? If you love cooking, why not join a cooking class? Do those things you’ve always wanted to do but never did because weekends were spent with your husband. You never know, your new found hobbies may actually lead you into the dating scene. And, if not, you will most likely reconnect with yourself and raise your self esteem in the process.

Call to Action

Awareness is the first step. Become aware of those self-critical thoughts that make you feel bad and depressed. One way you can do that is by writing on a yellow sticky paper “what am I thinking” and put it on your mirror or on your car’s dashboard. Each time you pass it, ask yourself, is my current thought making me feel bad? And then consciously change it to a better-feeling thought! Yes, it is doable.

<a rel=”nofollow” onclick=”javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview(‘/outgoing/article_exit_link’);” href=”http://www.leavingyourmarriage.com/“>© Vanaja Ghose 2009</a>

Vanaja Ghose (http://www.leavingyourmarriage.com/?page_id=5) is a
Professional Life Coach helping women who chose to leave their marriage or
long term relationship and now want to powerfully recreate their lives.
Download your FREE mp3 audio on “Nine Steps to Building a New Life After
Divorce” and contact Vanaja for a free 30-minute strategy session at

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After Effective Goal Setting, You Are Left With A Map That CLEARLY Points You To The Pot Of Gold!..

I cannot stress the importance of goal setting enough. When you set goals, good clear and precise ones, you are, in a sense, drawing a road map that leads you to the hidden treasure! And of course, because of this, you become excited because you’ll CLEARLY be able to see EXACTLY how to get to it!…

So, now all you have to do is follow the road map.

“But goal setting is so hard”, I hear you say…

Yeah it can be SOMETIMES, but the more and more you do it, the easier it becomes. But more importantly, it’ll eventually become a habit! And, instead of looking at goal setting as a tedious task, you’ll start to enjoy doing it! Besides, the mere fact that it isn’t ‘easy’, should encourage you because life is ‘designed’ in a way that the easier things DON’T yield the greatest results!

The fact is, MOST people DON’T bother setting goals, and so it makes perfect sense that most people are NOT where they want to be in life. So, take my foolish advice…

It’s often good practice to use the majority as a CONTRARY indicator of what to do in a given situation. For example, the majority don’t take time to set goals, so you would do the opposite!

So basically, we need to set goals to achieve success, but…

Are you clear on what it actually is you want to be successful at?


Here’s the thing, though I’m pro goal setting, I’m anti setting certain types of goals ahead of others. In other words, it’s incredibly important to prioritise your goal setting. Do you get what I mean? NO…

I guess I better explain then…

It makes absolutely NO sense goal setting to achieve buying a car stereo, when you don’t even have a car yet! I say this in reference to getting first things first, and this is never more so true, when it comes to planning out your DREAM life! I always urge people, before they set out to follow any type of self improvement strategies, to ensure that their foundational values are rock-solid because this effects everything you do!…

In short, make strengthening your foundations your FIRST priority, it might not sound fun, but it is incredibly worthwhile. I guarantee, you’ll thank yourself for doing it, just don’t forget who told you to do it! 😉

Let’s move on…

Any good plan, should have the following…

A Goal, this goal should, were possible, be broken down into smaller goals (Small, manageable, monthly, repayments). Each goal should be clear, easily understandable and MUST be precise, e.g. I want to earn 100k from property development by 1st January 2020. The steps towards achieving these goals should be clear, doable, structured and logical.

I want you to bear this in mind…

There is no goal you can set that is more important then living a meaningful, passionate, abundant life, PERIOD! You just need to work out what your life needs to entail so you can achieve this!

Before embarking upon goal setting, make it a priority to check out Ishmail Downes’ extraordinary FREE audio product “Live Your DREAM Life!”. In it, he talks about setting goals for every department of your life, but this is goal setting with a difference. Find out more!..

Regaining Your Self-esteem After Divorce

Rebuilding Your Self Esteem after a Divorce

Most people going through the divorce process feel weighed down by negatives…an extreme sense of failure, sadness over lost dreams, and a paralyzing case of “If I woulda, shoulda, coulda. That reminds me of a blues song. I would have…” Those thoughts are pointless, depressing and probably wrong. It happened. Now it’s time to begin rebuilding your tattered self esteem. Try these six easy steps, giving you positive stepping stones to help you climb slowly and steadily out of the Pits of Divorce.

Keep a “Thumbs Up” journal. Every day write down something positive about yourself. On good days that might include the completion of a successful ad campaign at work. In more challenging times it may simply be that you have well preserved legs! Some notations can be things you’re good at, have accomplished, or that are simply part of you. Set a specific time of the day like after dinner or when the kids are asleep to write in your journal, commit to not skip a day if you can help it!

Sign up at the local gym or purchase an exercise tape.

Set one realistic goal for yourself each week. In high stress periods this may be nothing more than eating three fairly nutritious meals a day. In more moderate periods it may involve signing up for an enjoyable evening class or joining a divorce support group.

Making someone else feel good always has a boomerang effect! So, compliment someone else. Make it a sincere compliment – not a phony one. How often have you thought: nice dress, or good work, or you’ve got a great smile? Well, don’t just think it, say it.

Honor the Positives. List the reasons you’re a great human being. (If that phrase made you wince, you may need help with your list!) Include things you do well, like gardening, auto repair, software development, writing, child care, knitting, etc.

Develop and repeat affirmation several times a day. I’m as important as everybody else. (Sometimes it’s very hard to convince yourself of that!) I am a deeply good and loving person.

I am capable of handling my own life.

I am a loveable person. I am strong enough to ask for help when I need it.

Accept that you are NOT the mother or father of the world. It’s not your responsibility to make everyone else happy all the time. In the first place, nobody appointed you God. (I’ll bet you never thought of it that way, did you?) In the second place, you do not have the ability to make anyone else content. In time you’ll come to value yourself more and to put your needs on a par with other’s. And as you cope better each day with starting over, you’ll increase your self-esteem immeasurably. Just remember to apply frequent pats on your own back!

Single mom recently fired and downsized. I am a recent graduate of New York Theological Seminary and I love to write. I am a minister of the Gospel and teach bible study to teens and also to christian couple’s counseling at my church. Right now, I’m looking to generate income working from my home.

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    How To Build Self Esteem After Addiction

    If you’re recovering from addiction, you should be so proud of yourself and your strength to endure what has surely been a difficult struggle. However, for so many of us on the path to recovery, the trap of slipping self esteem can be an easy one to fall into. By rebuilding your self esteem every day, you can improve your chances of staying on the path to recovery.

    Here are 6 ways you can rebuild your self esteem after addiction.

    1. Go back over your achievements and strengths every day.

    Start by making a list of all of your achievements, especially getting clean. Try to add to or at least read that list every day.

    2. Don’t compare yourself to others.

    Always remember that you’re an individual and no one is perfect. Instead of focusing on what other people are doing, stay concentrated on how well you’re doing.

    3. Accept compliments and cherish them.

    Instead of turning away or dismissing compliments, accept them with a big thank you and a genuine smile. Especially when friends or family congratulate you on your sobriety, be proud.

    4. Keep good company.

    Hang out with people who are positive. If you have a negative influence or person in your life, step back and don’t let them drag you down. As a recovering addict, you’re on the biggest uphill climb of your life, you can’t afford to be pulled down by someone else.

    5. Keep active.

    Regular exercise is a great to get your endorphins flowing, your body image soaring and your body rebuilding. If you feel healthy and look good, you can’t help but feel great about yourself. Start with a short walk every day, gradually working your way up to taking on a more strenuous activity every day.

    6. Spread the love.

    You’d be amazed at how effective being nice is at boosting your own self esteem. Try giving one person a compliment each day or doing one nice thing for someone at least once a week. You’ll not only feel better about yourself, but you’ll begin to feel the positive blowback of your efforts.

    Above all else though, take action, even if it’s just a baby step, and don’t let yourself get down if you can’t do it all. Remember, if you can’t squeeze in a 3-mile run, you can still take a 15-minute walk around the block.

    Recoup Your Self Esteem After A Divorce

    How to Recoup Your Self Esteem After a Divorce (911 Words)

    Getting a divorce is a major life change, and it can leave many with low self-esteem. Self-esteem can be greatly shattered when going through a divorce, since normally a person’s life partner is who made them feel great about themselves in the first place. Even though divorce can seem like the end of the world to some, there are many effective ways to build your self-esteem back up and live a happy and health life. Women can follow these eight steps to rebuild their self-esteem after a divorce, so they can go back out into the world feeling as great as they did before the divorce.

    When going through a divorce, the first thing a woman should do is talk about it with a best friend or close family member. By talking with a friend, you can get everything off of your chest as well as get another opinion about the situation. Having a friend to talk to will make you feel loved, cherished, and important, since a divorce can make a woman feel completely opposite.

    Having positive thoughts also will help to gain back self-esteem when going through a divorce, since you can guide yourself to think a certain way. Even when you may be feeling down in the dumps and at the lowest point ever in your life, you can think positive and make your life turn out positive. If you think you cannot deal with the divorce, you wont be able to. Thinking you can do it and that you will be okay will make it so you really can do it and you really will be okay. Once you focus your mind on happy and positive thoughts, you will start to believe them and actually be able to be happy and positive.

    Forgetting about the past is a major key when trying to gain back your self-esteem. No matter what the reason for the divorce was, you need to learn from your past mistakes and move on with your life. Instead of dwelling on what you did wrong all the time, think about how you can fix yourself as a person and do better in the future. Even though finding another mate may be the last thing on your mind right now, you should think about how to better yourself rather than trying to figure out what you did wrong.

    By being around other people, your self-esteem level can rise dramatically. Just by interacting at your local grocery store or coffee shop, you will find yourself able to talk with strangers without feel self-conscious. Friends and family members are also great to surround yourself with, since their positive attitudes can rub off on you and leave you feeling great. Surround yourself with people you love, because they will be able to show you what a great person you really are.

    Perfection is something that almost everybody would like to achieve, but in reality it is impossible. Let go of thinking that you want to be perfect, because nobody is and nobody ever will be. You need to understand that you are entitled to make mistakes just like everybody else in the world, and you should never beat yourself up for any mistake that you have made. By getting rid of this idea of perfection, your self-esteem will not drop each time you feel you are not perfect.

    Never compare yourself to anyone that you know, because you are your own unique individual. You may have friends who are happily married and may seem perfect, but that has nothing to do with your situation. By comparing yourself to others, you can put a huge impact on your self-esteem that is completely unnecessary. Remember that who are who you are for a reason, and you were put on this planet to be yourself, and nobody else.

    Most marriages involve shared expenses, and this can sometimes be difficult to deal with during a divorce. Make yourself financially stable, because money is something you should not have to worry about during this time in your life. Because money issues can always be stressful, you should make sure that money would be one less thing you have to worry about. Being financially stable can also help to boost your self-esteem, since you wont have to rely on anybody else.

    Writing a diary can be very beneficial to any woman who is going through a divorce, because it really helps to express your thoughts and feelings on paper. There may be some things that you are feeling that you would not like to talk to someone about, so instead you can let your diary know. By getting these feelings out and onto paper, you can get them off of your mind and decrease the amount of stress you are going through right now. You can vent about anything you want in your diary, and never have to feel embarrassed or shy about what someone may think.

    Because divorce can cause a major decrease in your self-esteem levels, you need to make sure you are on top of it. There are many different ways to increase your self-esteem after a divorce, and all it requires is a little bit of friends mixed with some personal self-esteem boosting thoughts. Divorce is just a little speed bump in the road of your entire life, and you will get through it as long as you know what it takes to get over that bump in the road.

    Linda Allen is the co-founder of GirlfriendsCafe.com, a social network for women throughout the United States and Canada. For complete information on GirlfriendsCafe.com, please visit our Website.