You never thought this would happen to you; when you signed the marriage certificate and said your vows in front of your friends and family; when you walked down the aisle in your stunning white dress and kissed your husband at the altar; when you danced your first dance as man and wife and enjoyed the luxuries of being a honeymooner, you never thought it would end like this. And now it has.
Divorce is never the preferred option but in some cases it is the smartest and only option left in a marriage. In fact, in one in two instances, divorce is the outcome. This does not mean that the marriage was a mistake- in fact, you should never think of a marriage as a mistake. It was a learning experience, a big part of your life, and a beautiful proof that it is possible to love and live in wedded bliss, even for a short period of time.
After the papers have been signed, the finances agreed on, the house sold and the custody battle completed, it is time to move on. However, this is easier said than done, especially from an emotional perspective. Your self esteem is most likely as low as it can go. However, it is possible to use the time after the divorce to boost your self esteem to new heights. Put past those feelings of failure and disappointment that have most likely been plaguing you long before divorce was even as issue. You need to let go of that negative energy and see yourself in a new light.
One of the main reasons why divorce is so difficult is because there are all these negative feelings circulating in your head- fears of being boring, unattractive, unloving, uncaring and unbearable are common thoughts with devastating consequences to your self esteem. You need to shake these bad thoughts away before you can move on.
Self Esteem Boosters
First of all, do something for yourself. Go shopping, get a makeover, visit a spa- now is the time when you deserve to makeover your body, mind and soul. To boost your self esteem from the inside, consider joining a support group or talking to someone about the divorce in therapy. This can help you come to terms with what happened and help you get rid of that negative energy.
Getting Out There
Instead of heading straight back into the dating scene, why not concentrate on things you enjoy. If you love reading, why not join a book club? If you love cooking, why not join a cooking class? Do those things you’ve always wanted to do but never did because weekends were spent with your husband. You never know, your new found hobbies may actually lead you into the dating scene. And, if not, you will most likely reconnect with yourself and raise your self esteem in the process.
Call to Action
Awareness is the first step. Become aware of those self-critical thoughts that make you feel bad and depressed. One way you can do that is by writing on a yellow sticky paper “what am I thinking” and put it on your mirror or on your car’s dashboard. Each time you pass it, ask yourself, is my current thought making me feel bad? And then consciously change it to a better-feeling thought! Yes, it is doable.