You Can be Great If You Really Want To

What are the causes of stress in your life?  Are you easily stressed by minor annoyances?  Or are you the type that is only stressed out by the big things? Stress management is about knowing your stress triggers and how to prevent them from becoming a destructive force in your life

A psychologist who was passionate about stress management, Albert Ellis, wondered why people were stressed out by different things.  Why wouldn’t we all be stressed by the same issues?  After a great deal of study, he came up with a model of human behaviour he called the ABC Model which today is used a widely accepted stress management tool.

The A in the ABC stress management model stands for activating events.  These are events that are outside of our control and could possibly cause us to stress out.  The B in the stress management model stands for beliefs.  This is a general term which includes our thoughts, feelings, opinions, and habits.  The C represents consequences, or the results of what happens to us after we have applied our beliefs to the activating events.  The model is written as A->B->C.

An example of this stress management model may help to understand it better.  You’re in a grocery store and unfortunately, it’s very busy.  As you get ready to check out, you scan the open lanes to see which one is shorter.  You pick your lane and get in line.  The line moves pretty quickly, until the lady in front of you needs to pay.  She’s searching and searching in her purse for her money.  Finally, she pulls out a cheque book.  She then asks for a pen.  The checkout clerk then searches drawer upon drawer for a pen.  Finally, going to the next lane, she gets a pen.  By this time you’re furious, as every other lane has moved faster than this one.

So how does the A->B->C stress management model work in this case?  Well the activating event is the lady checking out in front of you.  What she does is outside of your control.  All you can do is watch.  The beliefs are how you feel about what is going on.  If you feel that the days of using a cheque to buy goods at a grocery store ended with the last century, then you’ll be reacting negatively to her cheque-writing activity. The consequence is that you feel yourself getting angry and your body begins to act on your anger.  So you feel stressed and your stress management abilities are tested.

How about another example?  This time, you’re in the same grocery store, but it is relatively empty.  You’ve breezed through your shopping faster than you ever have.  As you start to checkout, you see that only one lane is open, because there is no need for more to be open.  The lady in front of you pulls out a cheque book, and then tries to borrow a pen from the checkout person.  How do you react?

Well, the activating event is the same.  The lady is still using a cheque.  But it is slightly different in that your shopping experience has been relaxed, not rushed.   Because of this, your beliefs are altered.  You don’t view the cheque-writing as another inconvenience.  So the consequence is different, as you take the extra time you have standing in line to read the latest gossip magazine and your stress management is doing great!
So if you can change the beliefs about the events around you, you can alter the consequences, or how you react to those events.  In doing so, you can reduce or eliminate your stress. This is arguably one of the most effective stress management techniques.

Related Blogs

While we all must learn good anger management skills, anger is a normal emotion people experience. Our bodies are conditioned to prepare us to fight or flee when we are faced with threats. Angry feelings flood our bodies with adrenaline and cortisol to prepare us to defend ourselves.

We may not be able to control our bodily reaction to threats or trauma, but we can learn techniques to help our behavior to be acceptable during such times. We can control our emotions instead of allowing our anger to control us.

Sometimes anger is a justified response that can helpful in spurring people on to make needed changes in their lives. It can also be useful for self-preservation during dangerous situations. Whatever the circumstances, possessing positive reaction tecniques is essential for success in life.

Anger is a way some people deal with feelings of frustration when things are not going as expected. Poor reaction to these triggers can spell disaster in people prone to inappropriate angree resonses.

An estimated twenty percent of people have angry personalities. If you live with one of them, your quality of life will be reduced unless the person is able to adopt positive behavior skills.

Check out any potential partner’s coping patterns by observing how he or she treats the significant others in their life when upset. If they treat them badly, chances are they will treat you badly too. See how they act when upset and threatened, especially when under the influence of alcohol or drugs, which tend to exacerbate poor reactions to difficult situations. Do not be fooled into thinking you can change angry behaviors which have become a pattern for another person.

Anger coping patterns lie deep within the psyche and do not change unless the person makes a strong commitment to become a better person. People with poor anger management skills need a structured program to lean new tecniques for managing their behavior or other forms of therapy to learn how to change their destructive behavior.

It is possible to change the way a person reacts to triggering situations but it is not easy. The feelings are unlikely to disappear. A more useful expectation is to look for strategies to deal with the anger that produce a more positive reaction. It is often said that it is not the anger that creates the problem. It is the inappropriate reaction to that anger that is the real enemy. Learning new ways to react is a reasonable expectation.

Managing anger is an art in itself. Expressing anger in the right way which does not hurt anybody is a skill. For that skill to develop we need to learn to manage our behavior. In worst cases you may take an expert’s help. There are questionnaires available on anger management which you may use from time to time to test your tolerance levels.

There are other ways of finding solution to this question. You can join anger management class or may contact a counselor. That helps to understand the causes of anger and if talk to somebody about your feelings the bad feeling may go on reducing. Anger management groups are also give very support by meeting of people having same problems. Their success stories will give encouragement. In this class many new things like group discussions, games and quiz are undertaken to change the behavioral pattern of clients. Anger management quiz is one technique to help the client to understand causes of his anger and the ways of expression. Whether you need this kind of participation with anger management class or not can be decided with help of quiz. Quiz may contain some questions which can be answered quickly by True or False method.

Questions are as follows.

* I am feeling irritable and cranky often

* I don’t want others to take my advantage.

* Angry out burst is my usual habit

* I could not enjoy the activities like games, sports, exercise because of anger

* I frequently argue with family and colleagues.

* I often feel unfairly treated

* I am often stressed and pressured.

* I think a lot about how to retaliate when I am criticized.

* I could not wait if somebody is not following traffic rules.

* Sometimes I am so angry that I want to hit someone.

You have to give honest answers of such questions. When you answer such questions you are assessing yourself. While thinking about the answers you will find your inner feelings and how they affect others. If you understand the causes of your anger it is better to find out the solution. You can avoid such situations which makes you angry.

If answers to more than 3 questions are true then you might need the help of counseling. Some times children with learning disability may be angry because of their problem. In such cases quiz can be used to find out whether they anger management techniques or not.