You Can be Great If You Really Want To

When things go wrong, does your organization put its energy into finding the guilty parties to blame? Or does your organization work to solve problems?

We have developed into a blaming society. Mom blames the older siblings when problems arise in the household. Teacher finds someone to blame when things go out of control in the class room. Management and unions blame each other. Political parties use blame in the extreme, and it is disruptive, subordinating national goals under political aims. Spouses unfortunately play the blame game to the destruction of marriages and families. Experts in many realms teach that making things better should be the focus of our energies. The barrier to this is blame.

Blame is the process of assigning responsibility for an event on another. Various emotions drive the blame, and it results in loss of face, embarrassment, fear and anger. It is unpleasant for all parties concerned. The language of blame and problem solving is distinctively different, and a study of real life situations could be constructive for managers hoping to rise above the cauldron of anger and blame. A manager may assign responsibility for a task without assigning blame. And you can hold someone accountable for results without blaming. The distinction is in the language and tone of the message. Robert Bacal, consultant from Casselman, Ontario gives some helpful scenarios:

Blame – ‘If you had done your work on time, we wouldn’t be in this mess.’

Factual statement – ‘Your responsibility is to fulfill your work commitments on time. When your work wasn’t available, I had to speak to the boss without the information I needed.’

The factual statement is the prelude to problem solving. The blame statement is bound to cause sparks to fly. Problem solving is focused on the present and the future. The goal is fixing a present problem and seeking to prevent it in the future.

Problem solving lacks the emotions of blaming, and it is less personal and more systems oriented. The problem solving process needs an understanding of the past and an understanding of the root causes of issues. It may include:

Clarifying the problem, goal or purpose

Collecting data, gain understanding

Diagnose, identify sources of problem

Formulate hypotheses for cause

Formulate a strategy for solution

Evaluate, collect more data

Note that assigning of blame is not part of the process. Neither is there room for emotional upheavals. Solving problems requires the use of a process, much of which was created by Deming. TQM, the quality system of modern companies, provides the structure and knowledge on how to solve problems the efficient way. Whether you are pursuing continuous improvement, organizational reinforcement, or improving performance on various levels, the issue of blame vs. problem solving is critical.

When problems occur, such as lack of performance, failure to meet commitments, etc, and you need to intervene, use problem solving. Begin by trying to understand the problem and underlying issues with the employee. Poor performance can be the result of boredom, stress, limited skills or knowledge, or other systems issues such as equipment or authority. Working with the employee to attack the root problem will help avoid it in the future. The focus is on the future. Additional scenarios by Robert Bacal:

Blame

Mgr: John, you should have let me know this work would not be ready for the meeting. We all looked stupid in front of the boss, and it’s going to take us time to recover.

John: I tried to tell you, but you were on vacation. And I forgot. You are very hard to get a hold of, you know.

Mgr: You could have called me at home.

John: I didn’t want to bother you. You said I shouldn’t call you unless it was absolutely urgent.

The manager attacks, and the employee defends. This could end up with attacks flying back and forth. The situation is not pleasant. Now look at how it could have gone:

Problem Solving

Mgr: John, I expected to have information from you prior to the teleconference. We need to figure out what happened and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Was I not clear on the date, or was there some other thing that caused us to miss the deadline?

John: Well, I might have misunderstood about the urgency, and when you went on vacation, I didn’t want to bother you at home.

Mgr: OK, well, how does this sound. If I need something on an urgent basis, I’ll make sure that I tell you in the future. I can also let people know when it is OK to call me at home, so it will be easier. I am also going to ask you to please keep me informed, though on projects like this we won’t be embarrassed again. Does this make sense?

John: Yes, and I have more input that may be useful….

You can feel the difference in the dialogues. The problem solving dialogue is neutral aimed at finding where the problem lies and works to prevent reoccurrence. Of course, it may not go this smoothly, and it is oversimplified.

Modeling problem solving in everything you do, staff meetings and other gatherings, is an excellent habit to form. When in a conference, and blame raises its ugly head, redirect with ‘what can we do, then, in the future?’ Seek a problem solving attitude when blame is assigned during a meeting. When you start doing this you begin to create a blameless culture, a responsible culture that discourages empty complaints that will put you in the middle of other people’s disputes.

Moving from blame to problem solving is a tough road because many people will not discern the difference. For some, being responsible also means to be at fault. When blame raises its head, return to the problem, ask diagnostic questions, begin to find root causes, and avoid being drawn into the blame game. In time, some people will begin to see the difference and trust that you are not blaming but attempting to fix the problem.

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If your sneaky spouse has been sneaking away to secretly have steamy sessions with another person then you will require sneaky ways to catch up with your sneaky spouse.

Use these 4 tips and sneakily sneak up to your sneaky spouse.

The 1st tip is to get spy-ware installed in your spouse’s computer and mobile phone, without him/her realizing it.

This will enable you to keep track of every key pressed in your spouse’s computer, check every website visited and view all chats, which in turn could expose your spouse’s nefarious activities.

Similar software sneakily installed in your spouse’s mobile will help you to keep track of all calls and text messages sent and received. Indeed, sneaky and very effective!

The 2nd tip would be to secretly scan your spouse’s credit card statement.

Go over the statement with a fine tooth comb so as to unearth motel or restaurant receipts or bills for gifts and flowers that you never ever saw as they were never for you, anyway.

The 3rd tip would be to sneak up to your cheating spouse with a digital camera equipped with zoom facility.

Follow your sneaky spouse into the deadly den of deceit and catch the romantic-but-illicit couple rolling in hay.

The 4th tip would be to sneakily lure the cheating couple in your own home. Simply excuse yourself from your home by telling your spouse that you will be out of town to visit some ‘friends’.

Your spouse will be unable to resist the temptation of calling his/her lover to your home and you can easily double-back into your home to catch the cheating couple in the act.

These 4 tips are sure to expose the dubious activities of your cheating spouse and you will be able to quickly nip the niggling trouble right in the bud.

The best possible way to catch your cheating spouse-

Do you know that there are some stunning tricks using which you can catch a cheating spouse within seconds? These ways are so effective that they are guaranteed to reveal the truth and end all the lies within seconds…

What is your goal in life? Have you ever asked yourself that question? Or has somebody ever caught you by surprise with it? Unfortunately, a lot of people today have lose the art of goal setting. They live out each day as it passes, with no definite finish line ahead.

Others have a vague idea of becoming successful in the future, but that’s about it. I’ve heard many people say that they want a house of their own. While such goals are inspiring to achieve, they’re too broad and are more likely to remain dreams than reality. What use is a goal when you‘re far likely from reaching it?

That is where effective tips for goal setting come in. These tips spell the difference between dreams and reality. If you’re ready to start checking off items from your goals list, read on!

1. Set achievable goals.

One of the most important tips for goal setting is to set achievable goals. Do not set a goal of earning a hundred thousand dollars by the end of the month if you’re barely making a thousand dollars monthly.  Those kinds of “big jump” goals are bordering on wishful thinking and are a lot more difficult to realize. 

Yes, it’s important to dream big and never let go of the ultimate prize; but you should do it gradually – to make it more believable and attainable.

Using the same example above, you could set up a goal of earning two thousand dollars by the end of the month. After you have achieved that aim, your next goal is to make three thousand dollars, and so on. Ultimately, you could reach the point where you could set a goal of earning a hundred thousand dollars by month end… but not until you’ve passed through several levels of escalating goals. 

2. It’s all in the details.

The more detailed your goal is, the more effective it becomes. By being very specific and putting a lot of effort into creating a goal, you are already halfway done with the job. Your mind has already mapped out the outcome of your goal. That alone helps you a lot.

For example, instead of writing down that you want to have a nice job after graduation, write down that you want to become a member of your favorite magazine’s editorial team. It instructs your subconscious mind to focus on something more concrete, gives you something more to hope for, and energizes you to achieve your goal.

3. Allow for flexibility.

If there is really no way you can meet your goal, don’t stop yourself from tweaking it a bit.

If your goal is to move out of your parents’ home in two years, and you still haven’t been able to do it after all your efforts, you can always stretch that deadline for a few days, weeks, or months. 

This allows you some leeway and still keeps you dedicated to moving into your own home one day. Don’t keep changing the deadline though, because then you’ll never be able to cross that item off your list.

Here’s the point I’m trying to emphasize: You should be dedicated to achieve any goal within a certain period, but you should never give up in case something went wrong. The important thing is that you did your best to achieve it, and that you’re flexible enough to know when you should alter your original plans.

4. Treat yourself after achieving every goal.

It’s important that you reward yourself for a job well done. If your goal is to finish writing that article, you can promise yourself a nice bowl of ice cream after as a treat.

This motivates you to do your best to achieve your goal. This reward system works quite well for goals that are a little less fun to fulfill.

5. Keep things positive.

When writing down your goals, try to keep your words as positive as possible. In fact, you can do this with tip number four. You can write down, “Pass the exam and go celebrate at the best restaurant in town.”

That’s definitely more effective than writing down, “Pass the exam or else mom will take the laptop away.”

6. Stay committed to your goals.

Don’t go about setting goals and then dropping them to the side once the going gets tough. Goals aren’t always easy to achieve. They may require time, hard work and even sacrifice.

If you’re scared of a little hard work, then you’ll only be setting yourself up for failure. Giving up on one goal too quickly also weakens your chance of completing even one goal on your list. Stay committed to your goal unless it’s more practical to change course.

7. Make sure your goals all agree.

Don’t set goals that might pose a conflict for another goal. A lot of people don’t really notice how contradicting some of their goals can be. Look at your goals list, read it more carefully, and take note of any goals that might hinder another goal’s success.

For example, your dream of becoming a champion sumo wrestler would offset a goal of having 6-pack abs. (Ok, this is extreme, but you get the drift.)

Goal setting need not be a waste of time. As long as you stay realistic, committed and positive, I see no reason why you can’t achieve your goals. So do things the right way and you won’t have to worry about setting yourself up for failure.