Fear Is Expressed As Anger
Posted by admin, under Anger Management
Ever wonder why some people seem to be angry at really minor silly stuff? Or maybe angry for absolutely no discernable reason at all? Or have you noticed yourself just generally pissed off, reacting to tiny annoyances as if they were life and death problems?
Some people avoid acknowledging their anger by calling it by a different name: frustration, annoyance, disappointment, irritation, etc. These softer words are variations of the same thing…names for different kinds of anger, like Eskimos have names for different kinds of snow; it’s all anger, or snow.
Here’s the deal:
Stuff happens that triggers normal responses: anger, sadness, joy, hope, fear, happiness, etc. If we have been taught and allowed to feel whatever it is that we actually do feel, better yet, helped to acknowledge and even name the feeling, we feel good about ourselves. If we had exceptionally healthy parental units, ones who actually dealt with their own anger, they probably helped us learn to deal appropriately with ours. We learned that it is okay to have a feeling, even anger; it’s just a feeling. We talked about it, maybe in an animated fashion, using descriptive words and/or hand gestures. Maybe our parents helped us through it by letting us know they understood how we felt, validating us; maybe they encouraged us to do something physical to discharge some of the anger, go for a walk or run, throw rocks in the river, go to the gym, whatever. The point is, healthy parents accept the feelings children have and help them find constructive solutions for dealing with them. Most importantly, healthy parents model useful ways to deal with their own feelings. If parents kick the dog or name-call, or just curse and rage, kids don’t get to learn appropriate anger management.
In contrast, another scenario is when we are not allowed to safely experience our feelings and must stuff them, only to have them show up later in some destructive form. Everyone knows of cases where children are told “you’re not angry” when they really are…crazy-making (schizophrenogenic). The message is that anger is not okay and must not be acknowledged or expressed, even in an appropriate way. The anger goes into hiding, only to show up when we least expect it.
More severe situations include physical or sexual abuse by an authority figure, a relative, teacher, clergy or anyone else. Or maybe we grew up in an alcoholic or rage-aholic household, unpredictable, scary and controlling. We are infuriated, but we cannot express our anger or fear as the abuser has intimidated and frightened us, or we are too embarrassed; or maybe we tell but no one believes us. The message? Stuff the anger to survive.
The usual destructive setup for a child is this: An adult authority figure handles his fear with anger. We tiptoe around dad when he is angry, dealing with his own anger by drinking and raging and not in a constructive way such as talking about his fears, perhaps about money or work. We avoid talking to mom when she’s frustrated, knowing that she will respond by yelling at us, giving us the message that we are just too much trouble and she “can’t possibly get everything done”. Maybe our coach is infuriated at one of our teammates (coach is really scared of not winning), so we don’t tell him we have to miss practice tomorrow. All of these adults are handling their fear with anger. They are using their anger to control; we can’t even talk to them! Lesson? These adults are fearful and are expressing it in anger, thereby controlling us. Even the dog hides in an angry household! Simply put, we are taught that when people are fearful they become angry and try to exert control over whatever they can.
When we grow up and experience our own fear, we do what we have seen modeled and try to control things and people, lashing out in anger. After all, we learned as children that anger is a useful way to control. Scared of losing our job? Get angry and badmouth our co-workers in an attempt to control…try to get them fired to save our own job. Afraid our candidate will lose the election? Direct anger at friends who are on the other side, (not at issues or the politicians) attempting to control them and make them see our point or even change sides. Above all, don’t have a constructive conversation, sharing opinions but not attacking each other. Fearful our kids are not looking good and are reflecting poorly on us? Angrily lecture them about grades, hair, clothes, or even blame the teacher for our child’s poor grades or behavior. Avoid acknowledging our fears, just get angry and try to control them.
Solution: deal with the old anger, fear, and feeling of being controlled. If you are dealing with it by covering it with alcohol and other drugs, get help! If your anger is coming out in ways that are harmful to you or others, get help! As adults we have the opportunity to be honest with ourselves about what we do; only then do we have a chance to choose our own behavior. Don’t destroy friendships, hurt family, blame others or teach your children destructive behavior because of your old anger. There is a better way!
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Understanding And Coping With Anger And Fear
Posted by admin, under Anger Management
Anger
The average person experiences 15 anger situations per day. You can choose to nurture the anger and make yourself sick or you can choose to fix what you can and accept what you cannot change.
Anger reveals information about people’s values and personal constructs of importance. What makes you angry? Is it reasonable and/or productive to get all upset over these things?
Expression of anger for men and women is often dictated/indicated by their particular culture. How do you express anger? Sarcasm? Aggression? Depression? Physical illness such as ulcers, indigestion, cancer…
Exercise, venting and time-out are often good strategies to dissipate the adrenaline, but are not effective for coping with anger. You still have to either fix/change what made you angry or change the way you feel about it by looking at the positive or just accepting it.
Coping with anger requires people to recognize what caused the anger and modify that stressor or perceptions about that stressor. Good communication, fair fighting and self-awareness are all important components for anger management.It is important for people to know their personal anger styles, triggers and most effective anger management skills.
Fear
There are six basic human fears: failure, rejection, the unknown, death, isolation and loss of control.
Most of the time when people experience anger, if they look deeper they can find that this situation caused them to feel one of the six basic fears.
The reason people experience this fear is often because of something they learned growing up. What messages did you get about success/failure? How were you taught to deal with the unknown? What messages were you given about being in control? Were you raised that you need to be liked by everyone?
Summary
Get a piece of paper. Draw four columns. In the first column, spend 20 minutes writing down all of the things that make you angry or irritated. Next to each anger trigger, write why that makes you angry. In the third column, identify where you were taught/who taught you that value. Now assess the trigger. If it is not something that is really worth getting upset over, place an X in the column. If it is something that is changeable, write how you will change it so you get less angry.
Now you have a plan for handling your anger triggers. Whenever a new trigger arises, add it to your chart. More suggestions can be found at Doctor-Is-In the sister site of the Counselor’s Community or Counselor Continuing Education and Self-Help Manuals .
Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes currently runs an online private practice Dr-Is-In, and an online continuing education site
All CEUs
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Defeating The Fear Of Business Problems
Posted by admin, under Problem Solving
Business problems plague all companies from time to time. A Google search reported 33.2 million results on the topic alone. In my opinion, it is not the business problem itself that defeats people from solving it, but it is the fear the problem generates. Recognizing that difference is the first step into breaking down the problem into smaller elements. By identifying critical elements to the problem the solutions reveal themselves as a by-product of the process.
Paul worked for ABC Enterprises, a supplier of widgets, as the Inventory Control Manager. The company was successful in assembling widgets and had developed several different types of widgets ranging in size, features, and quality. To support shorter delivery lead times to their customers, ABC had a 80,000 square foot warehouse filled with components. A sudden increase in sales orders stretched ABC to their limits in assembly. Component shortages were reported for parts that were recently delivered, yet were unable to be found. The finger pointing started. The Purchasing Manager thought the Receiving Department was lagging behind in recording the receipt of material. Paul thought that the Purchasing Manager was not ordering and expediting material in fast enough. Several meetings were scheduled to figure out what was happening.
What fears has this problem generated for the managers, just by its very existence? In addition to others, probably, the top three fears would be as follows. 1) The fear that their reputations will be damaged when it is discovered that the problem originated in their department. 2) The fear that they will not be able to correct the problem fast enough, if it is theirs to solve. 3) The fear that they do not know how to fix the problem within budget and labor constraints.
How do these fears present themselves in the behavior of the managers? Here are just a few; 1) Defensiveness: an unwillingness to admit the problem might be in their department. 2) Denial: the problem is temporary due to fulfilling the high number of sales orders and will go away on its own when things settle down. 3) Blaming: on other departments as well as the lack of time, money, and labor.
ABC employed a problem solving methodology that helped them to identify the critical elements to the shortage problem that revealed the primary cause. In reviewing the issue of component shortages, clarifying the problem revealed that it was the components for widget B that were late to the assembly line most often. Defining that distinction made the problem of component shortages smaller than all components and made the managers now curious instead of defensive. They reviewed the evidence by tracking sample component orders from Purchasing to Receiving into Inventory and out to the assembly floor. Purchasing was about two days behind what they could have been in the ordering process. Receiving was one day behind in their process. They went to the Inventory component bins and found some of them empty. As they stood there looking around the bin, Paul noticed that there were components placed in odd places and at eye level which made them easier for the warehouse stock pickers to grab and deliver to the assembly floor. Only certain stock pickers knew where to look. When the next shift arrived, they found empty bins and reported the component as on shortage even though they were sitting right there in an unmarked location.
The managers were relieved that the root cause was something so easy to fix. They were impressed with the ingenuity of their well-meaning stock pickers to create short cuts to deliver components to the assembly floor not realizing the other problem they were creating.
The moral of the story here is not to have your stock pickers attend component shortage meetings. Rather, it is to employ problem solving methodologies that break down the problem and fear surrounding it by; thoroughly defining it (which widget components, widget B) into smaller elements (purchasing ordering process, receiving process, stock picking process) based on objective evidence (time and identification) to lead to the best solution.
Helen Ewing is a Business & Personal Coach with over 20 years Manufacturing Industry experience in the Materials Management arena. I provide successful methods that solve problems in less time, with less money and with less effort through Coaching for Businesses and Professionals. I invite you for a visit at, http://1ewingroup.com
Top Tips To Overcome Fear
Posted by Kevin R. Dodson, under UncategorizedIt is said that the only thing you should fear is fear itself. With fear, your whole life becomes negative and it creates a degree of self suspicion in all of efforts. A pro-active struggle against the fear is intensely needed. Below are certain tips which you can use to beat your fear.
Before you overcome any problem, it is first vital to know what causes the problem in the 1st place. The same goes for your fears too. It makes no sense to put in constant efforts and realize later it wasn’t the actual area of doubt. It is exceedingly unremarkable sight to find folk afraid of things like height and water. Just about always the reason for the fear is something else than what is presumed.
This suggests that before you start any efforts to overcome your fear, you need to identify all the things you fear. Fighting fear involves deliberately exposing yourself to things you are afraid of so if a person is frightened of water, he should show himself to water by sitting by a river or pool. For those scared of public chatting, they shouldn’t let any public talking opportunity pass, even in parties etc. Such exposure definitely helps.
Confidence is also a must if you want to counter your fears. People who have a better self esteem are able to ward off their fears in a much easier manner. Boost your self-confidence by making affirmative statements like I will do it” or “I am not scared any more every day.This will help you believe in yourself and face other challenges that exist in the future.
Read positive learning material on self development. Expert steerage always helps particularly when you are struggling with your fears. Reading positive material may help you analyze your fears better. With the aid of such material, you could be ready to figure out the exact cause of your fear. Also, such positive books help you grow as a person and bolster the areas you are feeble in.
Most of the things that are great are not done alone. Your struggle against your fears will be a lot simpler if you team up with someone. Your chums and and family will be highly beneficial if they are involved. They can bring in great support and effective proposals. Aside from that, you need to find a role model, someone you can look up to. This can help you struggle tougher for your goals.
Last but not the least; trust god. It’s important to feel the link with god and this doesn’t always come from transforming into a sage. For this simply take out a little time on daily foundation for your interaction with the god. You may follow a regular routine of going to church and praying more than you usually do. This could go a great distance in giving you the inner strength and the positive point of view that’s necessary to keep fear in check for long.
With these tips, you can undoubtedly conquer your fears.
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