You Can be Great If You Really Want To

Anger is a normal emotion that everyone feels sometimes. Although anger is normal, the intensity of the emotion still worries parents. In truth, there is nothing wrong with feeling angry. It is the expression of that anger that can be problematic and cause problems in behavior.

Most of us have experienced the physical response of the body to anger. Children as well as adults feel the increase in heart rate, adrenaline rush, and feelings ranging from annoyance to extreme frustration, depending on the level of the anger. Parents can help children learn to manage these feelings and control how anger is expressed.

The goal in helping kids manage anger is not really to stop the feelings of anger because that is not going to be effective or even desirable. Think of it as helping your child recognize the feeling of anger in the body. When they are able to recognize these feelings, they can make changes in the behavior that results from anger, rather than lashing out.

It is important to note the difference between controlling the response to anger and suppressing the angry feelings. Avoid teaching your child to suppress anger because this can resurface later as aggressive behavior.

As in teaching manners and other skills, anger management can be taught by example. Consider a situation where the parent openly expresses anger by screaming at a spouse or children. What will happen when the children become angry with each other? They will often exhibit the behavior they witness in a parent.

Parents have the opportunity to teach anger management by example. It is OK to talk about your anger and how you are coping with these feelings. For example, explain why you are angry and let your kids see how you cope by taking a walk, bath or other calming activity. Also, show how you deal with the cause of the anger in a constructive way to help them learn effective techniques.

Keep in mind that the time to discuss anger and anger management techniques is not when your child is in a rage. They don’t even hear you and cannot process what you are telling them. It is like trying to reason with a toddler in the midst of a temper tantrum. It won’t work.

Wait until a quiet time and start talking. Show love for your child, and reserve judgment. If you are prone to anger, talk about that. Talk about how you work to deal with anger in a way that is not harmful or hurtful. Working together as a family on this problem will bring you closer together and bring your child further along the path to self discipline and control.

When in the middle of the situation, acknowledge their anger, but don’t accept the associated negative behaviors. Stop dangerous or harmful behavior. If the child is breaking things, throwing things, hitting others or fighting, it is time to intervene. A brief break from the situation and a few minutes alone can help bring the emotion back under control.

Follow your child’s lead. Does it help her to have you stroke her hair, acknowledge her feelings and gently remind her that she has the power to control her response? Or is she the type of person who needs to be alone for five or ten minutes and the feelings will subside? Do what works best for your child.

Introduce some ideas for relaxation or calming down. This will depend on the situation, personality and age of your child. Some like to go outside and jump on a trampoline or run around the yard and work off the adrenaline that has built up. Other things that may work include playing with a stress ball or koosh ball, playing with playdoh. Counting to ten, walking away and taking a bath can also help.

Older kids may benefit from yoga, relaxation techniques, deep breathing or other anger management techniques often used by adults. Introduce these ideas and try them together at a time when your child is calm. Make some suggestions, follow their lead and work together to find a solution.

There are cases when children or teens repeatedly experience extreme anger and have related behavior problems. Situations such as this may require professional help. Anger management classes or counseling is effective for learning new stimulus-response patterns and recognizing and eliminating old patterns. Sometimes this is effective for older kids and teens and helps them learn to deal with their anger, and not carry anger and the habitual reactions into adulthood.

No child is the same and by trying different things you can find what works best for your son or daughter.

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We all believe that having a family that is spouse and kids is so wonderful. You start weaving big dreams for your child right from the day he/she is born. But just giving them food & clothing does not make you a good parent. You can spend money on your child endlessly but it is far more important to invest your time & emotions in them.

The children are like an encyclopedia of questions and you must face all their queries carefully else you might crop in some devilish idea in to their li’l but very mysterious minds.

One of the most important aspects of parenting is to build a self esteem in your child. This way, you child would be able to achieve success in regards of life, irrespective of the field they opt to go for. This task becomes utmost difficult when the child reaches the teenage as at this age the kids wish to make all their decisions by themselves but at the same time are most prone to make mistakes.

Here are some indispensable facts that make building self esteem in the teenage a very vulnerable job for the person and the parents as well:

1. While the teenagers want the least of assistance, sometimes the parents tend to forget their child has grown up. Now they wish to learn from their mistakes & experiences, they want to face all their challenges themselves and while they have not become one, they believe themselves to be a ‘MAN’.

2. Actually, adolescence is the most knotty part of an individuals’ life. It is indeed a period of ‘Growing up’ where one has to do a lot of adjustments & learn a lot as well.

3. There is always one stress or the other that you have to face in this period, due to the physical, hormonal and the emotional changes.

4. Accordingly one needs to face the changes in the social interactions they have with ‘n’ number of people around them.

5. As you become aware of the opposite sex, and fall in love and / or experience puppy love, you gather so many diversifications around you, that, at times they indeed become very hard to tackle all together.

6. With the great changes & upheavals, scattered energies & differing emotions, your self-esteem surely becomes too vulnerable to handle well.

Now, we must understand that the process of building one’s self-esteem starts right in one’s childhood and carries on until adulthood. But it has some changing phases. When one is a li’l child it is taken care of by the parents in totality. During adolescence it has to be taken care of by the parents & the guardians, but the ball lies in the court of the teenager himself as they choose their social circle & their behavior pattern in their. The parents & guardians can only give them the lay out as what is wrong & what’s right. And of course, by adulthood one becomes his own boss, whether for good or for the bad.

Hence, undoubtedly adolescence is the last platform where the parents can help you to some extent in building your self esteem. Unfortunately, the outer forces like your social circle & the friends usually play a negative role that your parents have to turn in to positive, provided you are willing to take that help from them.

Here are some tips that would help your kids gain a higher self-esteem at the teenage:

1. Give them some role models.

a. Parents are the child’s primary role models for sure. But we must accept that there comes a time when we, the parents, grow old, and can no longer compete against those younger role models, that the children get influenced with through the rising media of the times.

b. Personalities such as Lindsay Lohan & Hillary Duff then seem to be more believable & attractive for the teenagers.

c. This is the time when the parents must strive to set good example for the child in the related aspects.

d. This way they might not be their child’s only role models but the kids would surely look up to the parents while making their key decisions.

e. In literal terms identify with your children & let them identify with you in the important walks of life.

f. Now the parents should guide their children in selecting the right role models.

g. Help your children in differentiating among the characteristics of the chosen role models, in terms that the kids should emulate those traits or they should not.

h. Help them understand the fact that role models are just meant to inspire, they should not copy all their actions & deeds blindly.

2. Have trust in your teenagers.

a. Your trust is perhaps one precious gift you can give to your child.

b. Once you prove to them that you believe in their abilities, they would surely work further to strengthen them all the more.

c. You must respect their individuality and show it to them in the right way, else they might loose respect for you as well.

d. Help them achieve some goals of their lives not for your status but for their individuality and let them feel good about it.

e. After all when you do not trust their actions & decisions, how can you ever expect them to be confident or developing their talents & achieve greatness!

f. Though trust at times can be seen as very complicated issue. As most parents who trust their children but yet as good parents try to guide their kids, usually land up in an unbalanced equation. It is surely not an easy task for the parents to understand that as too many restrictions can be harmful to their & the kids relationships, utmost lax might also prove hazardous in a long run.

3. Give your teenager their own voice.

a. Most of the times we take things for granted and do not give our teenagers a chance to explain their side of the story.

b. This is a certainly wrong practice.

c. At times, being human beings even the parents can be wrong.

d. Do not be judgmental and merely imposing your sanctions on the child.

e. It is indeed very essential to let your teenager state their case & explain their actions.

f. Your judgments can be made even after that, and surely then they would be more rational & acceptable to the child.

g. This kind of practice helps your child develop their own view & aspect of the situation.

h. Having their voice, helps them become quick & rational decision makers in a long run.

i. It makes the individual more expressive & clear about their thoughts & views.

j. This way the child is able to trust his/her own instincts and hence, develop a high level of self-esteem.