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Improve Your Self Esteem By Letting Go of Resentment

You would be surprised how many people have feelings of inferiority–some in one area, some in another, some globally. Sooner or later you will hear stories of movie stars, championship athletes, and successful people from all walks of life who confess that they have always had feelings of inferiority.

 You will be relieved to know that others–even successful people–suffer from a sense of inferiority. But just knowing this fact will not do you any good. Besides, for every “successful” person there are dozens of people who settle for second best because of some trip that was laid on them when they were kids, or because of some suggestion they picked up and have never been able to shake.

 I remember seeing a story about a bird that did a backward somersault whenever it wanted to be fed. Everyone thought the trainer was responsible, but this unusual behavior came about by sheer chance. Just as the bird was about to be fed, a loud noise occurred and the startled bird jumped clumsily and did a backward somersault. Because it happened to be immediately fed, the bird associated the jump with food. The bird continued to somersault for food and became conditioned to do so.

 I tell this story, because many of us were exposed to negative suggestions (even ones we happened to overhear) that have haunted us, sometimes for years.  Here is why. By chance, something bad happened that appeared to confirm the negative suggestion. Through association and then belief, the suggestion became a prediction. The association of the suggestion and a negative incident made it stick. Recovery depends on letting go of resentment, because resentment is the glue that holds it all together. It is normal for the bird in our example to mindlessly associate, but humans are supposed to bring reason to bear on anything we hear, see or experience. It is resentment that cuts us off from reason and renders us suggestible.

 Thereafter we bought into the suggestion, and it dictated the scope of our life from that point on. After the initial seeding through association and resentment, it is just a matter of conditioning. I am sure you have heard about the fleas raised in a 6 inch tall container. When they were put in a taller container, they continued to only jump six inches.

 Such is the power of suggestion, association, plus conditioning. For humans, the combination of negative suggestion and seeming confirmations, followed by belief, makes many of us prisoners of conditioning and false belief.

 We think we are dumb, ugly, clumsy, unlucky, losers, the wrong race, or the wrong background, and so on. We might also have bought a suggestion that we are cursed or that God has turned His back on us.

Whatever negative suggestion we have taken in and believed then dictates our life. Just who would want to make such a negative suggestion, and why would you believe it? One thing is sure: learning to resist negative suggestion is one of the most important skills that anyone can learn.

 I will say this: it is resentment that is the emotion that causes a negative suggestion to stick. Resentment also happens to be (along with anger) the emotion of conditioning. Moreover, resentment is also the emotion that psychically sustains the negative suggestion in the mind and triggers negative feelings.

 Because resentment is, in fact, an inferior response it perpetuates and seems to confirm any negative self thoughts we have. This is a very important point, so I will repeat it again.

 Resentment is an inferior response. We all can sometimes sense when another is resentful. We just do not have as much respect for them as we do for the person who is gracious and loving.

When you or I are resentful, we feel inferior because resentment is inferior to love, patience, and graciousness. But while in the throes of resentment and negativity, we do not realize why we feel so negative.

 Instead of realizing that it is only because of the resentment, we falsely ascribe our inferior and negative feeling to some negative suggestion. In simple terms, if someone calls you a loser, and you resent them, you are likely to eventually buy into the suggestion because you feel inferior. But if you could let go of the resentment–the suggestion would have no emotion to sustain it, and it would diminish.

 Without the coloring of emotion, you would be free to see the reality of the situation, make objective assessments, and take some positive actions. No longer would you feel doomed and defeated.

 Therefore, the key to regaining self confidence and becoming all that you can be is to let go of resentment. Admittedly some people use resentment to spur them on to compensate and succeed. But in the long run, resentment (being itself negative and wrong) results in guilt, anxiety and eventually exhaustion when we run out of compensation energy. Even if you accomplish great things or make a lot of money, the resentment will eventually color and ruin the joy of achievement. Let go of resentment, and you will be free to succeed without guilt.

 Bear in mind that we have all failed in some area, perhaps many areas, multiple times. We have messed up big and small. And yes, some things have gone wrong that were not our fault too. But why can’t we just set aside any past failure, and live out each new moment fresh without bringing up baggage from the past and without having past failure color the new moment?

 Have you ever noticed that many really good athletes are able to forget about a bad game or mistake, such or a missed free throw?

 The secret is to learn how to take a mistake in stride. I am sharing with you the secret to doing this: watch out for and let go of resentment.

 Do not resent another person, yourself, the game, or fate. It happened. Now forget it and move on. What most of us do is resent one thing, then another, and then another. Soon we resent our work, our boss, our mate, our circumstances, and even ourselves. Resentment spreads until a person might conceivably resent everything! Why? Because we do not do what the successful athlete does. Instead of forgetting things we did not like, we remember bad things. Then we resent them again and again, each time we remember them.

 When a person is resentful all the time, they cannot feel good about themselves. A resentful person feels mean spirited and negative. He rejects the good and begins to have an affinity for the bad. “I’m no good,” she says, and “I don’t deserve to feel good.”

It is resentment that wrecks our self esteem.

 Now look at what happens. When this resentful person with low self esteem faces certain  situations (such as asking someone to the prom, sinking the free throw, making the sale or whatever), they think things like: “this is my one chance, if I blow this it proves I’m a loser. I’ve got to succeed here, if I don’t, I’m just a failure.”

 Self talk makes it so that a person’s whole self esteem can depend on succeeding this one time. The self imposed burden is so heavy that it breeds nervousness, anxiety, fear, and trepidation.

 Look at what happens. Because of timing, the roll of the ball, or a myriad of circumstances, something is likely to go wrong. Even the best batters get a hit less than half the time. With this kind of self imposed pressure, the tension and nervousness are likely to make something go wrong. Then the old suggestion, association and conditioning are reinforced.

 So watch out for this kind of destructive mental game–it can lead to throwing in the towel or to compulsivity. It can also lead to a life of mediocrity and hiding in the shadows because the person is afraid of attempting anything where there is any chance of failure. Be aware of how resentment leads to negative internal chatter and emotions.

 Again, I say: watch out for resentment and when you see it, let it go. Just go through life easily. Do what you can, but do not have any expectation of the outcome. Even if you mess up, just see that you messed up, but don’t resent yourself.

 Remember: it is resentment that sustains the negativity from the past. Let go of the resentment and you will be free to face each new situation. Again, do what you can, but do not try to succeed. Just make a decent effort and then let it go.

Roland Trujillo M.S. is Director of the Center For Common Sense Counseling and host of a popular San Francisco radio program that offers personal growth strategies and help with relationship and stress issues. Roland’ also hosts The Roland Trujillo Show on KCAA Radio in Riverside and San Bernardino. Roland has been on the air for over 20 years. He has helped many people overcome emotion-based problems that have a component of resentment, unforgiveness, and judgment. Learn more at commonsensecounseling.org

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5 Powerful Tips to Improve Teen Self Esteem

Have you ever had low self-esteem and didn’t know how to snap out of it? Have you ever wondered, how can I just flip the switch on, and change my mood? Has someone ever hurt your feelings and their words make you feel insecure about who you are? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then please continue reading and find out the 5 powerful tips to improve your self-esteem.

1. Appreciate yourself: This is where you are thankful for your gifts and talents. There are many gifts that you have that other teens do not have and it is time to appreciate that you have them. For example, I am a great reader or I am a great listener or I am a great helper, etc.

2. Avoid being Judgmental towards others: At times teens are notorious for gossiping and talking about others. Stop this habit, for this shows your insecurity about yourself and it only makes you feel worse afterwards. For example, she looks so fat in that, or he is not a good wrestler, etc.

3. Don’t Compare Yourself to anyone else: This only makes you think of everything you don’t have and makes your self-esteem decrease. You’re a unique person, so why are you comparing yourself, just be you and be happy with you. For example, why does she get a car at 16 and I have to wait 2 more years? This will make you sad and resentful of your life, instead of appreciating that some people never get a car, that they ride the bus, get a taxi, or walk their whole lives.

4. Make a few goals that you can reach and work towards it: Set some goals up for yourself, like doing your homework by 9 p.m. Another example would be no watching TV, until the weekend. Set up goals to help you accomplish some things you want to get done. This is a big booster in Self-Esteem.

5. Make a Contribution: Do something to help others and you will feel great. Do it for the sake of the Creator, and you will get rewarded in so many ways, it’s unbelievable. For example, help a friend with their studies; take care of your siblings, washing the dishes, volunteer for something, etc.

For more information, check out my book Who Am I? A book just for Teens, http://zohrasarwari.com/who_am_i.html From Zohra Sarwari “Life Coach/ Professional Speaker/ Author” http://www.ZohraSarwari.com

Zohra Sarwari is an established author, coach, entrepreneur, and speaker, sharing her inspiration and love of learning with those around her. She is the author of 7 books, “9 Steps To Achieve Your Destiny” is her first self published book. This book is a must for all youth and adults; it explores the steps that, if practiced daily, will change your life.

Her recently published books are :
Imagine that Today is Your Last Day,
Are Muslim Women Oppressed?,
Who Am I? ,
Powerful Time Management Skills for Muslims and Speaking Skills Every Muslim Must Know. Her official website is http://www.zohrasarwari.com

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Need Some Self Esteem Self Help? – 3 Self Help Tips to improve Your Self Esteem

1) Seek approval from within – This is something so many people get wrong. The majority of people in today’s society gain approval of themselves based on the reactions of people around them.

Consider why girls loves going out to nightclubs and bars all the time…without a doubt most girls will have guys come up and talk to them, flirt with them, buy them drinks, etc leaving her feeling validated and content. Whilst this model may feel good it is fundamentally weak as a girls sense of self is being based on what people around her think. If everyone suddenly decided they ddin’t want to talk to her, she is now left feeling bad, really bad.

The above example is typical of most people, and i don’t know about you but the thought of leaving my state of emotions in the hands of other people freaks me out! You need to seek approval from within yourself, trust yourself and know that you are a fantastic human being.

2) Push Your Comfort Zone – Some of the best advice i could give you from my arsenal of advice is this, always be pushing your comfort zone. Be pushing it until the day you die and you will live a happy life. By doing this you are moving into uncharted territory, you may be somewhat nervous but at the end of the day you get through it all, you survive and you grow. This is a basic fundumental part of being a human, i can’t stress this point enough, always be pushing your comfort zone!

3) Follow Your Internal Compass – You know that little voice inside of you, the one that guides you through life that you sometimes ignore? Don’t! Follow your internal voice and you will be following your internal compass. Find out what you value in life, what you believe in and chase it! When you live up to your core values and live them day by day you are being congruent with yourself, and your brain gives you the self esteem you deserve, it’s that simple. 🙂

I hope this advice has been helpful to you, even if you get just one small piece of useful advice them my work will have been worth it. If however you feel you need some more guidance then please consider a site which i not only recommend but has personally helped me out of one of the most traumatic and debilitating times of my life, http://fixmyselfesteem.info/, and i hope it can help you too.

If you want to read some more of my articles then please feel free to do so.



Stay Safe,

Alicia Armstrong

Alicia Armstrong was forced to rebuild her life and self esteem from nothing after a serious mid-life event. She had no choice but to learn the ins and outs of self esteem and confidence building from every resource she could find. She now hopes to offer what she has learnt to help you live a happier and fullfilled life.




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Improve You Self Esteem and Confidence – 10 Great Tips

My dear friend are you looking for much needed self esteem and confidence? Maybe you need a bit of self confidence to get that job or ask that boy or girl out. Well help is at hand. Here are some rules that I live by that may give you better confidence and self esteem in your life.

1. The first thing you must realize that it doesn’t matter what problem you face you are fully equipped to deal with it. You must realize that you are a unique individual and that within you, you have the qualities to overcome problems and find solutions to them. Look around you people solving problems because they are confident not because they are better than you.

2. There are lots of things that occur in this world that we could feel bad about, for example the weather. But you must realise that you cannot control a lot of events in this world, for example, what the weather is going to be or what mood your boss is in but you can control how YOU react to it. If you can’t control it don’t let it dictate how you feel, or let it affect your levels of confidence and self esteem. If you are relaxed you can react better to a given situation or problem.

3. Remember you are a special person with special qualities. Whether you realize it or not you make a unique contribution to this world. Appreciate the qualities that you have and write a list and keep adding and refer to it to remind yourself.

4. Think about someone, an event or time that made you felt great. Focus on this event, see it clearly in your mind and remember how good you felt. Select a trigger, for example, clicking your fingers you can set off those positive feelings throughout your body. You can use it to in any situation to completely empower you.

5. Make rules for yourself. Some people make it impossible to be happy or confident. For example, have you ever heard someone say ‘I’ll be happy WHEN that’s over’ which means until that day comes they won’t be happy. Why not make up a rule like ‘ I’m happy when I wake up in the morning’. Would that not make it easier to be happy?

6. Try to focus on the many positive things in your life. Take a moment and write them down. When you have compiled a list of at least 10 things and refer to it regularly. There are so many positive things in this world that can give you better confidence and self esteem

7. Exercise and breathing. How you use your body can greatly affect how you feel. If you can do some form of regular exercise it can help you release excess energy and really get all your muscles going. Also breathing techniques can help you feel better. maybe join a gym or go swimming, pick one you really enjoy or are really good at.

8. How do you see called ‘problems’? Are they really problems or are they opportunities in disguise. Think about it. A ‘problem’ is an opportunity for you to shine, to rise above it, show your qualities and finding a better solution.

9. Think about people who love you, it could be a friend, relative, neighbour. Why do they love you? See yourself from their point of view and appreciate all the good things about yourself. Write down these qualities. Your self confidence and self esteem should increase knowing these qualities.

10. If a problem seems too big try to break down into manageable pieces so that you do not feel overwhelmed by it.

My dear friend I sincerely hope that you found the above tips useful and make some improvement in your life. But there’s so much more I want to share with you. I am passionate about helping you find out How to Get Better Confidence and Self Esteem and I want to share with you the ultimate guide to self confidence. To fulfill your potential, to be the person you always wanted to be and achieve your dreams then you can get this and more from the ultimate confidence guide. http://www.selfesteemconfidence.info

You deserve it!

Best wishes to you and your future!

Joesph Berovic is highly experienced in the area of self development, self confidence and self esteem. He loves helping people achieve their goals and build high levels of self confidence so that they can live life to the full.

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Self Esteem Activities to Improve Your Self Confidence and Daily Motivation

Success and satisfaction is subjective in context and measured differently by everyone. Therefore, accomplishment successes may be personal in nature but they embed better self regard and self image in the achiever. Personal motivation plays a major, if not the most important role in determining your success. There are many activities you can take on to help you boost your self esteem.

A positive self esteem is the very first step to achieving all that you desire. You are able to go further, travel farther and work harder because you strongly believe that you are just a step away from achieving that goal of yours. The ultimate purpose of self esteem activities are to bring out the best in you and leave you feeling better about yourself. You will soon attribute your successes to self esteem activities, which includes self improvement and motivation-induced learning. This will help you in your daily motivation and staying on track with your self improvement plans.

Note that everyone is granted 24 hours a day. How you use your time says much about yourself. You could spend time on worthwhile causes or waste it away on superficial activities. To better illustrate this, consider someone who spends a day on a charity cause and another who spends it on channel surfing on television. Being involved in charitable causes brings tremendous satisfaction. You will discover that you have so much to offer and are able to contribute to the betterment of lives in others. This in return, boosts your self esteem.

As Helene Malmsio from the Free Daily Motivation website says, “To ensure that you will live the life of a winner, make sure you get the motivational self improvement training and support to design and achieve the life of your dreams!”

You must also learn to organize and prioritize. Being aware of what is demanded of you and the ability to take charge of your schedule produces a liberating sensation. It reduces time wasted and enables you to give your best to an activity at any given time. You may want to read personal development self help books to help you develop a better idea of prioritizing. Such motivational self improvement books will also inspire and challenge you to make a change in your life.

You can also join various personal enrichment classes offered by clubs, organizations and individuals. They are often based on personal interests such as cooking, grooming and exercise. These classes help to enhance your daily motivational self improvement and cultivate a passion for things beyond your daily routine.

These self esteem activities are just some of the many ways to build a better you. You should appreciate yourself before anything else because you are essentially a capable individual meant to achieve so much more beyond your current potential.

The most important thing here to be successful is constant motivation and self-improvement along with a healthy self esteem about yourself and your abilities. Learn more self esteem activities and download a free ebook with famous quotes for every day of the year at http://free-daily-motivational-self-improvement.com

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