Anger and resentments can blemish even the best of memories. All of us have wonderful childhood memories: afternoons on the garden swing spent eating fresh apple pie; Saturday morning cartoons while we ate our favorite cereal; and evenings getting tucked into bed, with wishes of sweet dreams. Not all of us, however, possess such memories: there are the bouts of anger, fights between our parents, even beatings. No wonderful childhood memories can ever make a child forget a stormy childhood; such a childhood may even lead to resentments later on in life.
Resentments can stem from anywhere: they can start in childhood, continue into the peer pressure of adolescence, and persist well into adulthood when we are old enough to bear long, deep-seated grudges. Although resentment is a fact of life, it is not necessarily the best way to live life. Resentment can eat away at our energy, making us feel lethargic and unable to perform simple tasks. Resentment can also affect our social lives: we may find it more difficult to form friendships or romantic relationships if our emotions have been stunted by an ill-formed childhood, or traumatic adolescence.
You can deal with resentment, however, by following these ten simple tips. Before plunging into these activities, you must remember that these are not the only ways to deal with resentment. As you go along the road of spiritual and emotional growth, you may find your own ways of dealing with resentment, and of coping with what is holding you back from progress. Use these new techniques to help others deal with their resentments, and soon, you will find yourself healing.
1. Have a spiritual life. Although this may seem to be an abstract concept, having a spiritual life can actually make you more introspective, and can allow you to examine yourself, and know yourself better. A spiritual life need not necessarily involve your joining a religious group. It can involve you enrolling in yoga classes, or exploring meditation. Find ways to understand yourself from within, and you will soon know where your resentments come from.
2. Write a gratitude journal. Take any ordinary notebook, decorate it according to your tastes and whims, and make a commitment to devote its pages only to showing your gratitude for what you receive. Every day, at the same time, make it a habit to write down five things that you are thankful for receiving. The things can be as simple as a morning greeting from your best friend whom you have not spoken to in years, or as big as a promise of a raise from your boss.
A gratitude journal can help you see the brighter side of life. By concentrating on what you should be thankful for, you are also forcing yourself to see beyond the debilitating effects of resentments. You can begin to heal by knowing that there is more to life than hurt and pain.
3. Don’t be afraid to seek support. Join a support group, and talk about your resentments. Talking about your problems can help you understand where your resentment is coming from, and can allow others to give you advice. By feeling a sense of brotherhood (or sisterhood) with others, you can also feel less alone in your problems, and better about yourself.
4. Listen! A common human weakness is the inability to listen, and a support group should teach you to not only talk about what you feel, but listen to how others feel as well. If you listen to others, you might find inspiration in their stories; you might also find that your problems are not as great compared with theirs, and thus be more thankful for what you have.
5. Confront the person. If the person whom you resent, or who has bred resentment in you, is still alive, find a way to contact the person. Make peace as soon as you can. If you can extract an apology, then be thankful; if the person is persistent, then walk away. The most important thing is that you were able to meet your resentment head on.
6. Learn to forgive, even if it has to go slowly. Forgiveness is the key to making peace with yourself and ultimately dealing with resentments. If you learn to forgive, you can also learn to let go of anger and control your temper. Forgiveness can go a long way.
7. Don’t take the anger out on others. You might have children or wards, or even close friends, who are unknowingly becoming the receiving end of your anger. Resentment breeds anger and emotional blindness, so you must be more aware of your emotions and how you express them.
8. Engage in as many hobbies as you can. The less time you spend moping and concentrating on your resentments, the easier it will be for you to heal. Talk to people who have no resentments. Such people are pleasant, and seem to be at peace. They should be your inspiration. Aspire to be as resentment-free as possible, and hang out with such people to know how to let go of your inner demons.
10. Stay away from anything addictive. You might find refuge in drugs, alcohol, or food. Control your urges! There is so much more to life than vice!
Your Goal? To start utilizing these anger management and tips for dealing with resentments. Once you start to apply even one of these tips, your life can be so much more relaxed and serene. Anger and resentments should be dealt with promptly for peace of mind.
Pick up your Free Recovery Rolodex, Over 88 pages of self help and recovery tips, resources and links to enhance your life in addiction recovery.The author, Bill Urell MA.CAAP-II, is an addictions therapist at a leading residential treatment center. He teaches healthy life styles and life skills. Join our growing community. Tell your story! Visit: http://www.AddictionRecoveryBasics.com/
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