You Can be Great If You Really Want To

This is going to sound totally illogical at first, but stop and consider whether the way to ultimately save your marriage is to just stop talking to one another as often. Most assume that they need to talk as often as possible if they want to work things out, but the way they end up talking can lead to more harm than good.

Most couples who are having difficulties turn to a therapist or counselor of some sort, seeking intervention to steer them through to happier times. While this does work for some people, others find themselves filling out divorce papers before they even finish their pre-paid sessions.

So, what makes the difference here between couples that can essentially talk out their problems and others that cannot?

If you want to turn talk time into a rekindled marriage, you have to understand at some point that the actual talking is not what heals a marriage. What will ultimately save a relationship is both people being able to really listen to one another and then take deliberate steps outside of talk time to make things better for one another.

Talk that does not lead to action is not enough. Sessions that include two closed-off, bitter people sitting with arms crossed tight waiting for their chance to rip the other person apart or cry about how they have been hurt and betrayed will lead nowhere good. It can’t do any good because everyone is talking but no one is listening.

If you are going to try to talk things out, pay attention to what happens after each session. There will always be some sort of action at every moment of every day, and it’s the action after a talk session that will ultimately determine your chances of really working things out. If you both storm to opposite corners or have a huge screaming match, chances are low of coming out successful.

The key is to go away from a talk session really having heard what the other person said, valuing their opinions and feelings, and ready to take action to make things better. Most couples do not need to spend long lengths of time in a therapist’s office or screaming at one another at home. They just need one big honest heart-to-heart and a committed attitude to at least try something every single day afterward to make things better.

If you really want to save your marriage, then realize that action counts more than words. When it comes down to rekindling a flame or letting it snuff out, what you do counts much more than what you say.

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Emotional affairs can be more damaging to a relationship then an affair that involved pure sexual lust or a one night stand. The fact that the heart and deep emotions were involved often strikes the person who has been cheated on much harder than knowing the spouse just fell in bed beside someone once or a couple times. So, is it possible to actually save a marriage after an emotional affair has taken place?

The problem is not so much the affair, but the “emotional” part. Affairs of the body happen every day and many marriages recover from that shock much easier than most would expect. Yet, when one person has a real intimate connection with someone other than their spouse it is much harder to set aside and move on.

The first step is for the person who experienced the actual emotional affair to honestly decide whether the affair is genuinely over or not. If there is still deep feelings that are not likely to be let go anytime soon, then there may not be a way to really move the marriage forward. You can’t have a happy marriage if one person’s heart is withdrawn to someone else.

If the connection of the affair has been broken, then the journey shifts focus to the other spouse.

The spouse that was actually cheated on is fully entitled to feeling their own set of emotions, but in order to save the marriage they must also open their heart and their mind to the rekindling of romance with their spouse. Both people have to want the marriage to survive or it simply will not do so.

Once both people are on board and ready to move forward, then a period of time will be needed to restore an intimate connection with one another. Trust will have to slowly build up again. The marriage may never go back to exactly where it was before the emotional affair, but an even stronger bond can be formed and a new sense of happiness brought to life.

In order to save a marriage after an emotional affair open-hearted communication will be essential. Bitter arguments or throwing dishes is not helpful, but really talking so that everyone feels heard and validated will lead to action that can genuinely heal both people in time.

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Answer this question… has self-esteem issues been ruining your marriage? Does your wife have low self-esteem issues that is causing leading your marriage towards the destructive path of divorce.

At this point she probably feeling indifferently towards you and you are feeling hopeless that the self-esteem issues will never end. Self-esteem issues can arise from a number of different things that’s happened in the past. Maybe unkind words might have shocked her and caused her to act very indifferently.

Can you imagine how horrible she’ll be hurt by those unkind words in the past. And I expect that you are feeling hopeless because of the problems in your marriage has been magnified over 100 times because of this.

I know that you have probably fantasized about how in the world you are going to be able to erase the negative self-esteem issues that has been destroying your marriage. Can you easily imagine being in the relationship with your wife before the self-esteem issues kicked in?

You more than likely fantasize about this every once in a while then boom reality hits you. It’s okay to be optimistic about wishing to have that type of relationship again with your wife. So what have you been trying to do to remove the self-esteem problems that plagues your marriage?

One reason why what you have been trying is not working is because you’re not informed of a better way to go about fixing this problems. You have to follow a proven step-by-step process in order to heal your broken marriage.

By being aware of the correct methods to heal your relationship you can easily fix most of the other problems that might arise in the future.