A Dad?S Efforts To Promote Self-Esteem In His Children
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I was speaking with a group of fathers about how they instill self-esteem in their kids. While views differed, I was struck by one repeated theme, that helping their children develop a strong sense of self-esteem is one of the most important things a father can do. While these doting dads admit they are learning as they go, I think they are on to something.
According to well-known family therapist Daniel Gottlieb, best known for his NPR interviews and his most recent book, Learning from the Heart, “Research shows that kids coming out of college are self-absorbed, less resilient, more narcissistic, and the depression rate is going up. Kids should grow up thinking they are human, they are loved, they are similar to everybody else, they have the ability to make a contribution to the world, to help other people. That’s where the gifts are.”
It’s been said that praising children repeatedly helps kids feel good about themselves, but this has always felt hollow to our group of dads. One said he he just doesn’t see how he can create self-esteem through praise alone. For the most part, a child has to have self-esteem grow from within. He believes his job is to help it grow and he tries to do this in many ways.
“Most importantly, I want my kids to know that I love them unconditionally just because of the people they are,” he says. He wants them to have the security in life that no matter what, Dad loves them for who they are. He also doesn’t want his kids to ever feel that he has too high expectations of them. He realizes he must have certain fundamental expectations, but he wants his kids to be who they are, not who they think he wants them to be.
These fathers hopeg that as their kids feel confident to try more and more things in life, there will be a natural cycle that develops. As they learn new skills and master new activities, from riding a bike to learning to swim, they’ll naturally begin to feel good about themselves and their abilities, and in turn they’ll gain more and more confidence. That will allow them to try to master more and more.
A father’s job in their journeys is to make sure that the inevitable failures along the way come with lessons: be optimistic, seek help and be resilient. He wants them to know that any problem can be solved and that they are never alone. If they have these qualities, then the failures along the way are merely stepping stones to developing new skills and increasing self confidence.
These dads want to teach their kids that they are an integral part of something larger than themselves – their family, their teams, their school, their society. If they feel connected, they’ll naturally want to do right by these groups. At the end of the day, if the kids can look in the mirror and know they are moral individuals, that help them feel good about themselves.
I produced the Romper Room and Friends TV show and Bowling for Dollars when I worked for Claster Television in the ’80′s and ’90′s. With three kids of my own, I stopped working there in 1996. Today I am a freelance writer and preschool teacher and I am in the process of publishing my first book about preschool advice for parents. Check out my blog at www.preschoolteach.blogspot.com
If you are friendly and chatty, people are more likely to gravitate towards you. Try to be open, friendly and kind towards other people. However, do not be afraid to say no. People with low levels of self-esteem are more likely to get talked into something that they do not really want to do. Learn to take a compliment. Smile and say thank you. Start to pay compliments to other people. Words cost nothing. However, they have the power to make or break your day. Avoid situations or people that make you feel badly about yourself.
