You Can be Great If You Really Want To

Single people may have a harder time to develop self esteem than people who are in a relationship. This is because singles usually have to act as their own life coach while people in a relationship receive constant positive feedback from their loved one.

The self image of a single person may suffer when he or she experiences a setback or when he or she feels under attack from other people. It is at times like that when the single person needs help in bolstering his or her self esteem.

How can a single person improve his self image? Well, first you have to understand what a self image is:

1) Self image is usually formed during early childhood. Your self image is how you view yourself. But that view of yourself can be influenced by the perspective and opinions of other people. If you have been routinely told that you are ugly and cannot be loved, that belief may carry over into your life as a single person.

2) Majority of the beliefs and rules we adhere to are formed in response to internal needs that we have, which may not be related to reality. These needs result from expectations of us by other people – such as our parents, teachers, and other authority figures.

3) Value and belief systems trigger the creation of should statements. Like: I should get married this year (a common should statement of a single person.) But these should statements may not be based on reality – in the case of a single person, there may not be any eligible and appropriate person to choose as a mate. But the single person still feels that he should get married this year because of the expectations other people have of him. Value and belief systems are very powerful and should not be underestimated.

4) If you opt to do something other than the should statement running through your head (like, choosing to prioritize your career over pursuing marriage plans) then eventually the single person will feel guilty because he did not choose the should statement. This may foster poor feelings of self worth.

Your self esteem though should not be held hostage to your value and belief systems. It is possible to develop self esteem though it will require some work on your part. Here are the steps to go through:

1. Re-assess yourself as an adult so that you can re-structure your self image. This means adopting standards that are appropriate for adults.

You might be surprised how many people adhere to standards which were alright for children to stick to but which are fairly ridiculous for adults to keep. For example, children have to follow this rule: never talk to strangers. But as an adult, you will have to talk to strangers at some point (maybe even on a daily basis.) So you need to change that rule to one that you can follow as an adult.

2. Determine how you judge yourself – is your analysis of yourself founded on reality or is it made up of statements that other people made about you? Perhaps the way you judge yourself is totally founded on pure fiction – like, if you tell yourself that you will never be able to succeed at golf but have never even tried to play the game.

Some people are naturally shy so they tend to tell themselves such fictitious statements because they are afraid of the possibility of failure. The problem is that this keeps them from pursuing the possibility of success.

3. Maintain an attitude of acceptance towards yourself and towards others. Sometimes we maintain such exacting standards about other people and ourselves that we end up being miserable because no one can meet those high standards.

Perhaps these rules have helped you in your search for better self esteem. If you know someone who needs to develop self esteem, do exert effort to help them as well.