Building High Self Esteem Requires A More Intelligent Perspective

Building high self esteem is one of the key jobs of positive psychology practitioners. In my line of work, I often come across stressed students, erratic employees and burnt out business people. One of the common themes I see in such people is that they are too critical of themselves and frequently judge themselves harshly in comparison to others. I know that building high self esteem in such people will require me to become aware of a range of low self esteem signs such as beliefs of inadequacy and teach them how to overcome fear of failure.

Do you know a person who often feels inadequate in comparison to other people because those other people never have to try as hard as them, and yet they always seem to do better than them? Now let me assume that that person at times is you. Part of these inadequate feelings may be due to your negative perception of yourself and they don’t actually always do better than you. But let’s say for arguments sake that they do. You are completely accurate about this scenario. What is likely to happen? You beat yourself down. You say things like ‘I’m not smart enough’, if I was smarter than I should be able to learn it quicker and produce better results. Some will even go so far as to say I am a failure. Because I didn’t produce a grade or result as high as this person, then I am a failure. And you know what, you’re right. You are a failure! A failure in regards to how you are looking at the situation.

Let’s take a different perspective. You have worked twice as hard as this other person and your grade or result was a little bit less. Now, if you gave everything you got and produced a great result for you, and they didn’t try very hard at all and they obtained a reasonable result in comparison to what they could get, who should be more proud? Who do you respect more in this scenario? And if the person who has to work harder has the right attitude, they will actually enjoy the process more than the other person. While the other person is bored, as you reach your potential you are much more likely to move into states of flow which is where you become enjoyably engrossed in the activity.

Building high self esteem requires developing the correct perspective. I believe that the most important factor in building high self esteem is learning how to focus on your effort, not success. With continued effort, your own individual success will increase. If you are focused on success without a true understanding of effort, then you will fail.

Furthermore, this is only one side of the coin. This person has more ability than you in this particular area, but there are other areas where you will have more ability than them. During my studies, I was surrounded by brilliant people with much greater strengths in certain areas than I. Rather than feel inadequate; I would use the opportunity to learn. Rather than be disdainful of those kind of people, I would be respectful and create friendships so I could learn from them. (Though I do admit, that at times, those kind of people can be very, very annoying, especially if they boast about not needing to try). By learning from them, they would pull me up with them. My results would improve, I wouldn’t go as high as they would, but I would go higher than I could before. I would genuinely ask about their skills (their brilliance) and thank them for sharing some of their insights with me.

That being said, what about the ways I (or you) may have helped others. A lot of the contributions I made did not increase any of my marks. I was good at using metaphors, simplifying ideas and concepts, helping others feel more confident and less burnt out, joking and playing at times. Out of all these things, none of them were assessable or gradable in an objective sense. There was no test telling me how important any of these attributes were! However I know these factors are incredibly important and I know that you too have incredible talents that are not measurable or recognized, but are essential for building high self esteem.

Aleks Srbinoski is a Clinical and Coaching Psychologist, Company Consultant, & Professional Speaker. He is the Director of Aleks inPsychology, a self-development training company with a mission to guide as many people as possible towards a life of Fulfilling Happiness.

Learn how to increase your emotional intelligence and find happiness with extensive FREE techniques at http://www.FreeHappyNewYear.com

To access numerous FREE self-development and happiness resources, and find out more about the range of other professional individual and organizational coaching services Aleks offers, go to http://www.AleksInPsychology.com


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Leadership Excellence: Retaining the Best People Requires a Foundation of Trust

We accept that trust is a key enabler of efficient and productive working relationships. We’re less sure about what it means to say we trust someone and even more perplexed by what it takes to engender trust. Let’s call the moment of trust that point in time when you have to make a decision and the outcome is both uncertain and dependent what someone else chooses to do. In this article, I want to come at the moment of trust from the perspective of the leader who wants to create conditions favorable to trust.

In particular, I want to focus on the three primary factors that impact the choice someone makes in a moment of trust: 1) How uncertain is the outcome? 2) How high are the stakes? 3) How familiar is the situation?

Business leaders can’t do much to lower real risks or to alter a person’s prior experience with trust. They can, however, impact the level of uncertainty their team experiences and raise the chances that someone will opt to trust.

Certainty helps people feel in control. Uncertainty can have the opposite effect, causing people to doubt, grow fearful, and imagine the worst. The higher the stakes, the greater an impact uncertainty will have, and the greater the reward for mitigating its effects. Successful strategies to deal with uncertainty can create a “virtuous cycle” of trust and positive outcomes. A series of positive outcomes creates a new shared history for team members to draw on.

How do you raise people’s tolerance for uncertainty? Model the behavior you wish to see: openness, collaboration, and genuineness, for a start. Then, consider the antidote to uncertainty and fear: consistent and reliable information from a trusted source. Here are four specific behaviors trustworthy leaders consistently employ.

Clarify what’s been decided and what hasn’t

Everyone’s been in meetings where management poses a problem, then “brainstorms” the answer with everyone at the table. Trouble is, the decisions have already been made. The meeting is just a way to break the news, and maybe get some appreciation for how tough a decision it was to make. These “answer key” meetings rarely fool anyone, and tend to create resentment rather than trust.

Transparency is the answer. Letting people know whether they’re being convened to react, provide input, or decide will accelerate decision making and give people clarity about their roles during times of uncertainty. Without transparent decision making processes, people fill in gaps in information with their own inferred data, which may be rife with judgments and biased conclusions.

Argyris’ Ladder of Inference shows how conclusions are reached; most of us are so facile at the process we’re not even aware we’re constructing a world that may have little correlation to others’ reality. In a team environment, a heavy reliance on inferred data can impair the productive functioning of the group and give rise to rumor and suspicion.

Model openness and vulnerability

A team takes its lead from the person in charge. If you demonstrate that it’s okay to make mistakes, and that you don’t have all the answers, it builds more trust within the team than a top-down style will. Strengthening the group begins with skilled, authentic engagement. As the team grows stronger, the group leader can relax the hierarchy somewhat. The overall goal is to get team members to give one another the benefit of the doubt and take risks together in creative, collaborative work. The best leaders are those who can walk through the cafeteria, sit down for a chat, and still get up in front of a group of 400 and command their respect. Don’t base your leadership style on some idealized version of the perfect leader; be the perfectly authentic version of yourself and others will trust you.

Balance inquiry and advocacy in communications

When should I communicate through asking for information and when should I communicate through expressing a point of view? It may be one of the toughest parts of a leader’s job to keep team members up to date while listening to their thoughts in a way that demonstrates both your empathy and your flexibility. Trusted leaders are those whose opinions are known and yet they remain open-minded when presented with new information.

One way to find a good balance is using the Inquiry and Advocacy model. It shows a range of communications behaviors, with authoritative, top-down communications on one end of the continuum. On the other is questioning or inquiry behavior, that shows your willingness to hear what people around you have to say, and demonstrates your understanding of their ideas. In small group settings, a balance of inquiry and advocacy can yield excellent results. Use a combination of expressing and soliciting opinions. When people are willing to be open with one another, you have a foundation for building trust. Good give-and-take between team members also raises people’s levels of involvement because they feel they have a personal stake in the outcome. When group buy-in to a decision is high, execution is more likely to be successful.

Share a consistent vision

Leaders know what they want. Collaborative leaders find opportunities to clarify what they want to others in a way that invites dialogue without second-guessing. Goals focus teams and lessen uncertainty. Organization-wide goals over the long term let people know that there is a guiding hand at the helm, and a shared set of objectives. Achieving those objectives demonstrates congruence between what is stated and what is done, reinforcing that trust is warranted and that the next challenge may be accomplished.

The object here is not to eliminate uncertainty. It is to recognize the interrelationship between people being uncomfortable because they don’t know what is going happen, and their willingness to trust others whom they perceive to have more control over the situation than they do. Having trust in a leader goes a long way toward alleviating that anxiety. No one can predict the future, but over time, people do learn to predict the kinds of behaviors they can expect from their leaders. Trustworthy leaders replace uncertainly about a situation with predictability about how the organization will respond.

Jay Gordon Cone is a Senior Consultant with Interaction Associates, Inc., a global management consulting firm. He has spent the past 25 years helping leaders and teams collaborate productively. His current consulting practice focuses on senior team facilitation, strategic thinking, leadership development, and innovation. Jay serves on the faculty of the Executive MBA program at The University of Texas at Dallas, where he teaches innovation and collaboration. His articles on leadership development have appeared in Training Magazine, The Training & Development Journal and The American Society for Training and Development’s Best of Customer Service Training. Jay received a BA in Philosophy from U.C.L.A. and an MBA from the University of Texas at Dallas. He is certified in Management Research Group’s Strategic Leadership Development Process, The Center for Creative Learning’s VIEWTM assessment of creative problem solving styles and is CAPT qualified to administer Myers-Briggs assessments.


Read more of Jay’s articles at the Interaction Associates blog.

Leadership Tips — Small Business Requires Faster Decisions

Introduction 

This leadership tip has something in it for managers everywhere, but it’s particularly targeted at those of you with large company backgrounds who have made career moves to smaller businesses that you own and/or manage. 

My background is primarily in large scale management of IT organizations.  The companies where I’ve worked were places where changing a process or behavior took some time.  I always thought I was quicker than most, and action oriented.  As a small business owner, I found I had to be much quicker. 

I’ll offer this leadership tip in the form of a story.  It’s a story of how taking your eye of the ball can cost you money, and worse than that can cost you customers. 

My First Small Business 

I opened a small personal services business.  It was located about an hour from my home office, and with all my other commitments I knew how important hiring the right manager would be for this shop.  It took a few tries, but I found one with a good background and references, and she seemed to quickly develop loyalty to the business and to me. 

For the first six months we grew slowly but steadily.  We were behind plan in terms of customers and revenue, but the trend was up.  There were a few staff issues, but overall turnover was okay.  I decided to invest a little more in marketing to try and get more new faces in the door. 

Over the next three months, customer counts were mostly flat, and average sale was actually down a little.  Concerned, I visited the shop a few times more than usual.  The people were not as upbeat as they had been.  When asked about that, they attributed their moods to less business and less enjoyment of the job.  I wondered about seasonality, the economy, and whether I needed even more marketing investment. 

Want to know what was really going on?  My trusted manager had some personal problems that I had not been aware of before, and was exhibiting some totally unacceptable behaviors: 

Criticizing staff in front of customers

Intimidating staff, letting them know they were at risk of being fired, and telling them I was out to get them.

Stealing money by voiding transactions and other means  

 

 

The Damages 

I’m still figuring out how much money all this cost me, but the money is only today’s problem.  The customers I’ve lost are a more serious longer term issue, because many of them won’t be coming back. 

When I figured out what was going on, I moved quickly to fire the manager.  There were only two problems:

I was too late, and there had been several months of damage done;

There was collateral damage.  I had to fire two other employees who had adopted the attitude and behaviors of the manager. 

 

Today, I’m working on putting together data to see if I can assemble a case for prosecuting the employees and the manager.  An even higher priority, though, is the work I’m doing to recruit and orient new staff and develop a recovery plan for our customer service reputation.   

This leadership tip was a painful lesson that I hope never to repeat.

The organization that isn’t changing is dying. To learn more about Strategies for Managing Change, visit www.thomasjodea.com


Tom O’Dea has over 30 years of IT experience, with 20 years of senior leadership in IT and Professional Services with multibillion dollar corporations.

Why Your Organization Requires Leadership Now

The economic slump is likely to affect businesses with a recession in the horizon. Because of this, businesses are rethinking operations to provide quality services and products while lessening the volume of workers.

Human resource and development centers like the Center for Management and Organization Effectiveness (CMOE) have training options that reflect the actual requirements of professionals in different work situations, assisting to improve their careers and aiding promising leaders to:

* Understand their functions’ significance in the system.

* Enhance trust within the culture.

* Maximize communication channels.

* Build up weaknesses and make excellent application of strengths.

* Understanding the various kinds of leadership and appreciating them.

The ultimate goal of the training is to develop practical leaders who are abreast with the trends and privy to the changes around them and in the corporate world.

The Organization’s Need for Leaders

Businesses require CEOs who embody the dynamics of the business in terms of behavioral competencies. In the organization, potential leaders are built up with regards to what they can do in terms of team management and decision-making. Thus, the emphasis is no longer on individual leadership, but instead on developing leadership skills to distribute tasks.

Regardless of how leadership is defined, organizations look at leadership as the driving force that would place the business well-established in the industry and a step ahead of competition. Towards sustainability and profitability is the course leaders are meant to provide for the business.

Emphasizing too much on preparing individuals for leadership positions will lead to failure, unless the organization creates a positive stance on developing leadership skills. This is the main goal of any organization – using leadership development in all circumstances of the workplace.

Creating Leaders in Businesses

As categorized by Harvard Graduate School of Education’s Professor David Perkins, the following are the primary leadership roles:

* The Exemplar – the role model.

* The Gatekeeper – makes decisions on the movement of personnel, from promotions to exclusions.

* The Visionary – leads the organization towards new channels.

* The Fixer – solves problems effectively and creatively.

* The Truth-teller – keeps the integrity of the organization.

* The Enforcer – makes sure that rules and standards are enforced.

* The Connector – can tap connections and pinpoint potential leads.

Organizations are attempting to uphold standards and do more with less resources and manpower with the economic difficulties ahead. This leads to the search for leaders who are realistic and practical, but are also aware of the organization’s future needs.

Whatever your organization requirements, there is a CMOE training option that is suited to developing leaders, assisting them do what they do best.

Get the experts to provide your stable of potential leaders the best Leadership Development training, team building sessions, leadership coaching and coaching for .