You Can be Great If You Really Want To

What this statement means is that the tools to rebuild your self esteem is actually within us. We have the faculties needed to put back the light in the dark within us, and make us the confident and elated person that we were always were in the first place. There are many things we can talk about to say what causes low self esteem, and this phenomenon can be traced all the way back to when we were children and the things that we were exposed to and the things that we were told by the people around us.

When guardians or parents keep saying that things cannot be done, there is an adverse effect on their self esteem and this can be carried within the person all the way until they are young adults and even beyond. The good news is that this is not permanent, there is no such thing as a permanent problem with low self esteem, and there is always a way to turn things around. The good news about this is that there is no complicated method that you need to employ when thinking about the kind of methods you need to rebuild yourself, and in fact, the tools are within you as a person.

One of the things you need to understand that it is all about mindset and how you perceive yourself as a person. We all have our individual gifts and abilities, and we need to understand that there are fundamental problems with how we use these gifts and sometimes, it is the misuse that brings us down. For example, when someone continues to hit the wall to try to become a singer, they have to understand that maybe they were not born to be a singer. When we try to do something that is not within our internal skill set, then you will come across failure and with failure; it is the all important ingredient that brings people down. So what you need to do is to avoid failure and this is not talking about avoiding competition or environments where you will be tested, but make sure you are well equipped to either combat and perform, or well equipped to learn as well.

This is the most important thing you need to know about and this is the most important mistake that most people make and this is how they develop low self esteem. You also need to create a list of strengths that you have as well as the successes that you have achieved over the past few years. This is a feel good list that all people need to have, whether or not they have self esteem issues or not. Everyone needs a boost once in a while, and it this boost that stops them from sinking further and further down into a rut. This is what this article means when you have self esteem help right at your doorstep. You are the biggest difference to yourself.

One Ugly Meeting

 

A few years back, I was one of the leaders in an IT organization that was struggling.  We knew it too.  A couple of projects had significant quality issues, and as a result we were missing dates and overrunning the budget.

 

It was not for lack of effort.  These were challenging projects and people were working their tails off.  Our client was internal, and we kept them informed every step of the way, no surprises.  Sure they were disappointed, but they respected the fact that we were putting quality first, so they were hanging in there with us.

 

A new VP was appointed in our client organization, an executive who had been hired from outside industry.  He came to visit us for the first time, so we rolled out the red carpet and the cavalcade of PowerPoint shows, and settled in for a day of detailed project reviews.

 

We didn’t get very far before the beatings began.  The new VP (we’ll call him Jim) came loaded for bear.  In the end nothing we said to him mattered at all.  He made it clear that our performance to date was totally unacceptable.  He was loud and his message was direct.  I personally took a great deal of abuse, and I had to sit and watch others take it as well.  The language was colorful to say the least.

 

Every one of us in that room was made to feel totally incompetent, probably because he said things like “you people are totally incompetent”.

 

Did It Work?

 

The worst part of all of this, in my humble opinion, is that over the next couple of weeks we made great strides with our quality issues and began delivering on project commitments.  Though we were still late and over budget, we never had another slip in the schedule.  Our clients were ultimately more than satisfied with what we delivered.

 

Why is that the worst part?  Because Jim was sure that our success was a direct result of his actions and his toughness.  He remains sure to this day.  Nothing could be further from the truth. 

 

We didn’t respect him then, we don’t respect him today, and none of us would ever work with him again.  His abusive behavior and our subsequent performance improvement were just an accident of timing.

 

It’s not that tough behavior wasn’t called for.  Jim was a new leader in a new job, and here was a group of IT people whose failure to deliver was directly his ability to serve customers.  This was no time for being soft.

 

When I think about tough leaders I’ve known, I don’t think about Jim.  He wasn’t tough.  He was loud, he was a bully, he was a lot of things.  But he wasn’t tough and more importantly, he was a leader in title only.  Tough leaders know a few very important behaviors make all the difference.

 

Insults and Loud Criticism vs. Brutal Facts

 

If you tell me I’m incompetent, insult me and question my qualifications, you’re going to make me mad.  I may deliver, but I’m not going to forget how you treated me. 

 

If you ask me how you can have confidence in me after I’ve slipped a due date three times, you’ve put the ball squarely in my court.  I may be uncomfortable, (I’d better be!) but I know you’ve asked a very legitimate question.  I’ve got no anger, no desire to get even with you.  On the contrary, I want to win your confidence back.

 

Bluster and Threats vs. Clear Consequences

 

In that unforgettable meeting above, Jim had several tirades that included reference to closing our office and firing the whole lot of us.  Those of us on the leadership team were angered, but we recognized the bluster for what it was.  The people in the room who worked for us were scared to death, because they took Jim literally.  Jim accomplished nothing good.  He alienated the leaders he needed to build a new relationship with, and he scared the people who didn’t need any more pressure.

 

What would have been much more effective would have been private meetings with those of us on the leadership team, where Jim could have calmly and directly outlined expectations and consequences.  I was more than prepared to hear that MY job was in jeopardy if we didn’t improve.  Having to deal with the fears my people had for THEIR jobs was a distraction that could only hurt our progress.

 

Immediate Action vs. Considered Action

 

Emotional and reactive “leaders” like Jim are prone to want to prove they are action oriented.  He didn’t do it that day, but I’ve seen people like him make on the spot decisions to install someone they trust to oversee a project, or decide immediately to bring in their favorite consultant to straighten things out.

 

Leaders should be decisive and take quick action if it’s needed.  Most of the time, action taken in a day or two is quick enough.  In that day or two, the leader has time to think about what they’ve learned, consult a few people they trust, and make a decision that is both good and fast.  Considered action is almost always more effective than impulsive action.

 

1:1 Discussions vs. Group Meetings

 

Later (much later) I learned a few things about Jim.  He was actually a nice guy in his life outside work.  I never came to respect him as a leader, though.  In addition to his inappropriate tirades in a group setting, he turned out to be equally ineffective in 1:1 discussions, for a totally different reason. 

 

He was tough when he was putting on a show, when he was playing Vice President.  In a 1:1 meeting, he went soft when questioned.

 

While he knew about missed project schedules, he had almost no command of any details.   So he couldn’t contribute to a discussion of just how to get things fixed.  With no one to impress, there was no point in shouting.   And with nothing to contribute, there wasn’t much to discuss.

 

A leader in command of the facts can be very tough and direct in 1:1 discussions.  They can ask difficult questions and be blunt about whether or not they’re satisfied with the answers.  They can coach and criticize at the same time. 

 

Toughness isn’t about making noise in a meeting.  It’s about holding people accountable.  That can be done effectively without ever taking away anyone’s dignity.

Identify and fix the right root causes.

Complicated problems have multiple root causes, probably more than you can handle all at once. The trick is to address the important causes first. Don’t waste time or money on causes that are either insignificant in impact or only peripheral causes of the problem you’re trying to fix.

Root cause identification. Use an appropriate root cause analysis tool to identify the possible causes of your problem. Which tool is best depends on the problem, but Ishikawa analysis (also called cause-and-effect or fishbone analysis) is a good general-purpose tool. Keep checking that the causes you identify are possible causes of the problem you are analyzing, and not some other problem. It’s really easy for the problem definition to expand at this point.

Root cause verification. The result of the identification step is a list of possible causes. Check again that they are all possible causes of the problem you’re working on, and that nothing extraneous has crept in. Then verify that the causes are real by answering:

Did the suspected cause really occur? E.g., if the possible cause is that a procedure wasn’t followed, verify that the procedure really wasn’t followed. No assumptions allowed.

Could the suspected cause actually cause your problem? E.g., if a procedure wasn’t followed, but the symptoms you see would occur whether or not you followed the procedure, following the procedure won’t solve this problem. Seems obvious, but you won’t know if you don’t answer this question.

Set priorities. Establish priorities to help you fix the right root causes, i.e., those that are the biggest culprits in causing your problem. There two factors two consider:

Will eliminating the cause have a big impact on your ability to achieve your success criteria (your measurable definition of how you’ll know the problem is solved)? If yes, make it a high priority.

Will it be easy to eliminate the cause? If yes, make it a high priority even if the impact is only moderate. It it’s hard to eliminate and won’t have much impact, don’t waste your time.

It’s not necessary to fix every cause, even if it’s real. Invest your effort where it will make a difference.

Copyright 2007. Jeanne Sawyer. All Rights Reserved.