You Can be Great If You Really Want To

One of the most important aspects of personal growth is developing a healthy self-concept. What we think of ourselves, and the way we decide how to value ourselves, makes more difference than almost any other factor in determining what we do with our lives. Parents have the awe- some responsibility and privilege of guiding their children to develop a healthy sense of self. Following are some guidelines to help in that task.

PRAISE

Everybody needs praise, but not all praise is equal. To be effective, praise must be genuine: “I like the way you are remembering your assignments,” rather than, “Wow! You’re so smart you’ll soon leave all the other kids behind.”

The most effective praise may be directed toward the child’s weakest areas: “I know it’s hard for you to keep your room clean, so I’m really proud of the job you’ve done this week.” By letting her know you notice her e orts in these tough areas, you bolster her con?dence.

CRITICISM

Help your child develop the “emotional shrug” to handle criticism.  Learning to distinguish between justifed and unjusti?ed criticism is a big ?rst step. Then the child can learn to respond to justi?ed criticism by agreeing and thanking the person. He can also learn to respond politely to unjusti?ed criticism and let it “roll off his shoulders.”

TEASING AND INSULTS

These are really the same as unjusti?ed criticism, and the “emotional shrug” is appropriate. Empathize with your child and help her learn to respond kindly and with pride to such behavior.

REJECTION

It’s tough to be overlooked for an honor, not invited to a party, cut from the team, or turned down for a date. Through patience and empathy help your child to affirm his worth despite disappointments. Teach him to work on being his best self, developing positive relationships, and emphasizing his strengths.

Help your child understand that she will not be the best in everything, and some people will not like her, but that she is a good person and is important to you and to God.

APPEARANCE

Encourage your child to learn to like his appearance even if he isn’t a “hunk” or she isn’t “Miss America.” Teach good grooming and help him learn how far a smile can go toward making a person attractive. If she really is overweight or underweight help her to work toward healthy eating and activities to normalize the weight, but don’t push.

MISTAKES

No one can be perfect, so help your child learn how to handle mistakes and failures. Tell him about your own failures and how you got past them.

Teach your child to set reasonable goals and work toward achieving them, but not to be dismayed when she comes up a bit short. Show her Tong Bi Quan-Mandarin-a martial art that mimics the actions of the long arms of an ape. that giving your best e ort is more important than succeeding.

SPIRITUAL RESOURCES FOR SELF-ESTEEM

Your child is a person of worth be- cause God created him as a person of worth–and that’s true of you, too.

Sometimes we teach children, “God loves you when you are kind . . . or do your homework well . . . or mind your parents” . . . or whatever else we want them to do.

We should be teaching them, “God loves you!” Period, exclamation mark, and de?nitely no question mark!

The very best source of a healthy self-esteem, for your child, and for you, is knowing you are accepted and loved by God. Then, on the basis of his acceptance and love, you can accept yourself and free yourself to be all you can be.

Let\’s take a look at how to build your self-esteem during hard times.There is a financial crisis all over the world as you know it. People are loosing their jobs, can not afford to pay their mortgages or credit cards and having difficulties to make a living. Everybody is having hard times.

Now, having a new car or moving into your dream home is not an option. Flying to the Caribbean or soaking on the sun in Hawaii is very unlikely to happen.

Nobody really knows where the economy is going or how our future will look like.There was the G20 Summit couple moths ago in Brazil, where 20 of the world\’s largest economies gathered to come up with the solution to solve the world financial crisis. So, what is the solution? They do not really know.The world\’s best financial experts don\’t know how to fix this.

But, there is an advantage of situations like this even if it\’s very difficult to acknowledge that.

People are more focused on REAL VALUES. People pay more attention to families, friends and loved ones. They spend more time taking care of each other than ever before. Their focus is on helping others who are in need.

People are trying to be happy with whatever they have. And, that is very important.
When you can not afford to dine-out you will start cooking to save money.You start cooking your daughter\’s favorite dish and you will see her smile after dinner, because that is what she was missing. Quality time with the family. Embrace that feeling and enjoy it.

Your focus has changed direction. You have more time to spend with yourself, your family and friends. Most of us having the same difficulties and that feeling can ease up the tension, knowing that you are not alone.

I can not emphasize enough the importance of the real values. You, your family and your friends.

Whatever happens in your life is not as important as your approach toward that particular event. You make the decision to feel good, energized and awesome or dwell on your misery and don\’t do a thing to live a happier and more prosperous life you all deserve. Focus on the real values and build your self-esteem.

So, WHAT TO DO NOW?

1. Make a list of things you have always liked to do. Make a list of things your children and spouse always liked to do and do it together.

2. Take long walks alone or with your loved ones. It doesn\’t cost you anything, but it\’s an interesting self-discovery and a wonderful way to explore others. During the walk ask questions. Try to figure out the other person\’s interests, hobbies and their inner values. Do these hobbies together if you can.

3. Reach out to others with kind words and a positive approach toward life.

4. Play board games with others.

5. Call a friend randomly and ask her or him about their hobbies.

6. Go out, watch the sunset and make a wish. Do that with your spouse or your children.

7.  Spend more time with people under age 6 and over age 70. It\’s truly an amazing experience. The honesty, playfulness and creativity of young children will touch your heart. I can guarantee that. The eternal wisdom of the elderly will take you different places. You start wondering: \” We all knew how to enjoy life when we were young. We have found that feeling again after we retired. So, why don\’t we just do the same thing in between?\”

8. Learn something new. Read a book or listen to music. There is so much you can do.

These are just very few examples of what you can do to have some fun during even these difficult times. People are always more important than any assets you own. Own the feeling of being happy, positive and you will become the richest person on this planet with your most valuable \”assets\” inside.

The first thing that you should do is to take a quick step back and appraise your life. For too long you have been looking from the inside out of your life, and you may not be able to spot the mistakes that you have been making, so you need to get yourself out of this perspective and look at the big picture. When you are able to look at the blueprint of your life, then you will be able to see what areas you need to strategise.

Next, you need to breathe deep and find a space where you can meditate and relax. A clear and focused mind is one of the most important things you need to have to be able to regain your confidence and self esteem. When your mind is cluttered with negative thoughts or of work (they are one and the same sometimes), then you are not able to concentrate on the act itself.

You now need to strategise. What is it you want to do. Set down clear objectives of what you want to achieve in regards to your own personal development and set out from there. It can be anything from just gaining a little confidence, too being able to talk to the girl you always liked or to even excel at presentations at work. The thing about this is that when one thing happens, it will spill over to the rest of your life.

Make a list of the things that are uniquely you – the positives and the negatives and with this list, you can now find out what is so bad about you and what your natural gifts are. This way you know what to concentrate on and what areas in your life need improvement. When making this list, always recruit the help of your peers and the people that are around you a lot, and by doing so, your list will more accurately reflect the good and bad about you.

Another thing you need to understand is the need to celebrate you achievements as much as you can, and this is the method of channelling as much positive energy as you can to yourself. Whenever you reach a milestone, have a small celebration and involve as many people as you can. This way, the positive energy counter will build up in your favour.

Also, make a list of these achievements, and this will be called your feel good list. Look at it anytime you need to so that you will feel good about yourself, especially during the times of duress in your life. This list can mean the difference between slipping back into areas of low self esteem and the road to a more confident and convincing you.

Last but not least, you need to track your ‘emotional progress’ – to say the least. Knowing whether or not you are improving will help you to re assess the methods that you are using as well as allow you to understand the seriousness of the problem. If conventional methods like these do not work, then a psychologist could be of help to you.

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