You Can be Great If You Really Want To

Since 1997, Herbert Benson, of the Harvard Medical School, has reaffirmed that “Sixty to ninety percent of [doctor-patient] visits are prompted by conditions related to stress.” Especially in today’s world, stress management is truly vital to emotional, relational, and overall physical health. As a psychologist, I understand that most tend to consider meditative exercises as too difficult to learn; and too time consuming to practice.

Although activities like watching television and listening to music can be relaxing, they do not elicit the relaxation response that is most beneficial for managing stress. In order to de-stress, people need to do something that sounds contradictory, namely engage in activity that is not passive. The Surgeon General recommends physical activity for stress management. One can also manage stress by engaging in self-meditations.

I have had much personal and professional success from my use of audio meditations, many of which can be downloaded off the Internet for free. I recommend a search for “free hypnosis downloads,” “free progressive muscle relaxation,” “mindfulness,” and “free light and sound machine.”

Most people are familar with the availability of self-hypnosis. These hypnotic programs are guided exercises in deep meditation.

Progressive muscle relaxation is a systematic method of tensing and relaxing most of the major muscles of the body. When a muscle is tensed beyond its current level of tension and released, it rebounds to a more relaxed state. This phenomenon helps to create penetrating relaxation, throughout the entire body, within 15 minutes.

A Light and Sound Machine is a relatively new technology that assists its users in achieving near effortless levels of deep meditative states. Relying upon a process known as brainwave synchronization or entrainment, a Light and Sound Machine (or Mind Machine) purportedly uses light and/or sound to alter the brainwave frequency of the user, resulting in altered states of awareness that have been compared to those obtained from transcendental meditation.

Similar to the effect of watching the flicking flame of a fireplace, but more pronounced, the specifically timed flicking pattern of a Light and Sound Machine will surprisingly help to induce its effect, within just a few minutes. Despite their beneficial use, most people also consider Light and Sound Machines to be too expensive. Nonetheless, you can sample the positive effects of these devices, by conducting the aforementioned Internet search. The available freeware actually creates a “virtual” Light and Sound Machine, via your computer monitor.

I also recommend complementing the effect of Light and Sound Machines with soft music or one of the free audio hypnotic downloads that can be found online, as previously discussed above.

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By the age of three a toddler requires eleven hours of consistent, quality sleep.   Toddler sleep problems stand in the way of this and can  lead tohealth issues such as a lower immunity, temper tantrums, a slower brainfunction, and a poor diet, to name a few.

For many toddlers just the mention that “It is bedtime” sends them into sheer disarray. (1) Crying and a defiant attitude usually accompany this disarray.This is the start of the bedtime nightmare for parents.  (2)The continuance of their crying or temper tantrum once they are in bed.  (3) Getting them to stay in bed without screaming after the parent leaves the room.  (4) Not getting out of bed in the middle of the night, when they wake up. 
With these 4 areas under control toddler sleep problems will be solved and parents will have a pleasant, warm and cuddly bedtime, free from screaming, night waking, and health issues.

1.  Shshsh…. Dont say the words “Its bedtime.” or anything even close to.Instead use atmosphere and quality time with your toddler to let him know it’s time to wind down.  This manipulation should begin 20 minutes BEFORE the time you put in place for your toddler to be in bed.

Create a cozy, calm and quiet atmosphere. Dim the lights, watch a little Animal Planet and cuddle with your toddler. A baby massage is a wonderful  relaxation technique for both parent and toddler and can be done as part of the winding down process.

2. Find and Remind.  On the way to his room, think of something fun and exciting for your toddler to do the next day.   It could be an afternoon of play dough fun, or perhaps he has a party to go to, or finger painting, or a play in the park.  Remind him of it. A little secret: tell him you are looking forward to doing it with him (ensure that you are able to do this. Otherwise do not offer this statement.

3. The Bedroom: short and sweet.  This is an area many parents get wrong. At bedtime your toddler’s bedroom should be within the same atmosphere as when you were winding him down. Prepare his bedroom before you start the winding down process.  Bedroom atmosphere encompasses a night light and soft music.

The time you spend in your toddler’s room after he is in bed needs to be short and sweet. Sit on edge of the bed next to your toddler and read a story, softly. Stroke his hair or use his favorite toy. Quietly remind him of the fun that awaits him the next day if he gets a good night rest. Mention that you are also very tired and heading off to bed. Kiss him goodnight and off you go.

4. When he starts to cry, tell him you love him and you will check on him in a bit before you go to bed. Ignore his crying. While in his room do not appear stressed.  Know in your mind that all will be well.  Your toddler will feel this and it will help him adjust to his new bedtime routine.

In 9 out of 10 cases your toddler will fall asleep very shortly.  However, if you prolong your time in his room and show your fear of his crying he will recognize this and use it as a tool to get you to stay until he falls asleep, which causes him to stay awake longer, lessoning his sleep time and lessoning your free time.

Toddler sleep problems can yield an unhealthy toddler, and although a bedtime routine can take some time to firmly take effect, fixing toddler sleep problems has many rewards for parent and toddler.  All good things come in time, so be consistent and adhere to the bedtime routine on a nightly basis.