You Can be Great If You Really Want To

Dialogue is an essential component of a story. Through dialogue, we learn about characters’ personalities, we see characters react to events, and we understand the relationships they have with each other. Dialogue allows the reader to visualize scenes. Authors use dialogue to follow the adage “show, don’t tell” what happens.

When we help authors edit manuscripts, we frequently have to solve three common problems with dialogue:

confusion,
stasis, and
displacement.

We use these terms to categorize the three strategies we use to improve dialogue. To help understand these common dialogue problems, let’s look at an example of poor dialogue, study how it illustrates these problems, and then find solutions.

John and Tom walked into the restaurant and sat down.
“Do you know what you want?”
“Not really. I’m hungry enough to eat a horse.”
“You’re in luck. Horse meat is on the menu.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope. Look at the back page under ‘Chef’s Specials.’ ”
“Holy cow! You’re right. That’s gross.”
“Not really. It’s pretty good, actually.”
“There’s no way I w
ould eat horse meat.”
“You already have.” “Huh?”
“Remember those burgers we ate when I had you for a cookout last month?”
“Please don’t tell me that was horse meat.”
“Ok, I won’t. But you sure enjoyed them.”
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Oh, don’t be such a snob. I thought you liked Chinese food.”
“I do, but what’s that got to do with anything?”
“Well, the Chinese eat over a million and a half horses each year.”
“Maybe Mexican food would be better.”
“Same problem. They eat six hundred thousand each year.”
“That’s it. I’m going home for Italian cuisine. No, don’t tell me!”

Obviously, this is a back and forth exchange between two characters, John and Tom. They each talk in turn. In this sample, the reader will learn about each character’s prejudices and the nature of their relationship. In that regard, the dialogue is fine. However, it suffers from confusion, stasis, and displacement.

1. Confusion Problems in Dialogue

Problem: Who is talking? In the sample, which character likes horsemeat and which one is grossed out? You don’t know because the author didn’t tell you. In many dialogues where we see this problem, the author will indicate who is speaking first, or, at a minimum, give the reader a clue. Following that first indication, however, the author leaves the reader to figure out who is speaking, leaving the reader confused.

In this sample, we could indicate that the first speaker is John.

“Do you know what you want?” asked John.

Then, because this is a back and forth exchange, we could figure out who is saying what. After a number of exchanges, though, the reader may lose track and have to study the dialogue carefully, naming the character for each statement: This is John, this is Tom, this is John, this is Tom, etc. Basically, the reader is doing the work the writer should have done.

When you confuse your reader this way, you make the reader work too hard to understand the dialogue. You force the reader to pay attention to the writing, which means the reader is not engaged in the story. Fortunately, this problem has a simple solution.

Solution: Label the speakers. Tell the reader who is speaking. You don’t need to label every line, every few lines is sufficient for the reader to keep track. Also, if you want the reader to focus mainly on one character, only label that character’s speech. Generally, we recommend labeling both, or all, speakers. Following this advice, the sample exchange might include this.

“Please don’t tell me that was horse meat” said Tom.
“Ok, I won’t. But you sure enjoyed them.”
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Oh, don’t be such a snob,” said John. “I thought you liked Chinese food.”
“I do, but what’s that got to do with anything?” Tom asked.

Now the reader knows who is speaking. Problem solved.

2. Stasis Problems with Dialogue

Problem: What are the characters doing? “Stasis” means “the state of being motionless.” When people talk, they also act. They move, look, gesture, and inflect. What they don’t do is keep completely still.

To help the reader visualize the scene, the author lets the characters move. These movements are important. Movement shows how they feel about what they hear or say. This shows the reader important information about characters’ feelings and personalities. Movement also helps to clarify who is speaking, which helps with confusion problems. Most importantly, movement during dialogue makes the scene more realistic and engaging to the reader. Look at this pair of sentences.

“Do you know what you want?”
John looked up from his menu and asked, “Do you know what you want?”

The second sentence not only tells us who is speaking (confusion problem) but also shows the reader what John is doing while speaking (stasis problem).

Solution: Include necessary actions. To add realistic, and necessary, movement to dialogue, the author needs to imagine the scene in his or her mind, and then describe what occurs. The challenge for the writer is to determine which actions are necessary to understanding the scene, the characters, or the meaning of the dialogue. For example, the author of this sample could have written the following.

“You already have.”
Tom leaned forward, mouth agape. “Huh?”
“Remember those burgers we ate when I had you for a cookout last month?”
“Please,” Tom said, “don’t tell me that was horse meat.” He put his hands over his ears and scrunched up his face.
“Ok, I won’t,” John said and smiled broadly. “But you sure enjoyed them.”
“I think I’m going to be sick.”

Now the reader knows what the characters are doing. Problem solved.

3. Displacement Problems in Dialogue

Problem: Where is the dialogue occurring? Events happen somewhere. Dialogue occurs in a place, not in a void. It has an environment. The environment includes sights, sounds, smells, and other people. The environment also includes thoughts and memories. Basically, anything that affects the characters’ words and actions are part of the environment. Displaced dialogue, meaning dialogue that occurs in a void, won’t engage the reader, won’t help the reader to visualize the scene, and won’t provide a context for the characters’ actions.

Let’s study one line from the sample and ask questions about the environment.

“Holy cow! You’re right. That’s gross.”
Tom is upset about the fact that the restaurant serves horse meat. That’s pretty obvious from his words. Now, if the restaurant serves it, are the other patrons eating it? Can he detect an unusual smell in the air? If the kitchen door swings open, can he see a horse carcass hanging against the wall? Does Tom know anything about cultures where horse meat is eaten? What are his feelings about horses? This one line is crucial to the rest of the exchange, so let’s put it in place.

Solution: Provide an environment. The author needs to show the environment for the dialogue, i.e., to put the dialogue in a place. When we imagine the scene mentally, we can identify parts of the environment that help the reader to understand the character’s actions and reactions. Think about both the external and internal environment. The external environment includes what occurs around the speakers. The internal environment includes what occurs in the speakers’ minds. This will also help solve confusion and stasis problems. When we put the sample dialogue in place, we get this.

“Holy cow! You’re right.” Tom swept his eyes across the tables in the restaurant. Was anyone actually eating horse? “That’s gross.”
“Not really,” John said and set down his menu. “It’s pretty good, actually.”
The waitress came to take their order. John noted Tom’s discomfort and told her that they would probably need a few more minutes.
Tom leaned in and whispered, “There’s no way I would eat horse meat.”
“You already have.”
“Huh?”
“Remember those burgers we ate when I had you for a cookout last month?”
“Please,” Tom said, “don’t tell me that was horse meat.” He put his hands over his ears and scrunched up his face. He remembered eating two—and enjoying them.

Now the reader knows the environment for the dialogue. Problem solved.

Conclusion

By solving these three problems with writing dialogue—confusion, stasis, and displacement—an author can create dialogue that is important, that interests the reader, and that seems realistic. Take a look at Hemingway’s writing. Earnest Hemingway is known for his minimalist approach to writing, yet he, too, addresses these issues. And few readers would argue against the quality of his writing. Now examine your own writing and ask yourself these questions:

Will the reader know who is speaking?
Are the characters acting in a realistic manner?
Does the dialogue occur in an environment?

We ask these questions when working with clients, and we either advise the authors to revise their manuscripts or we do it ourselves, depending on the level of service. In either case, the result is great dialogue.

As my friends and I hovered in the lobby of the Gaylord Opryland Hotel, the reality was sinking in that American Airlines had cancelled all of our flights and we were stuck in Nashville for one more day. As we mentally reviewed the checklist in our heads of all the rescheduling, rebooking and inconveniences we now had to deal with, none of us where very happy.

Our small group of strandees began to share our next steps when something happened that I’ll never forget. One of us got outside of the box and created a new reality. My friend and mentor Alexandria Brown blew up the paradigm the rest of us were playing in and hired a private leer jet to take us home.

It is at the very moment that you feel hopeless, stuck and frustrated that out-of-the-box thinking can trigger a whole new dimension of reality. You see, the problem is that most of us try to solve problems with the same level of thinking it was created in. We can only access ideas, thoughts and possibilities that we currently live in because, well, quite frankly, that’s our current reality!

Take my client Janice for example. Janice has desperately been trying to get a consistent high 6 figure revenue stream for two years but somehow she continues to hover around the $100k level. She spends all her time focused on getting the next client in the door or serving the client she has, rather than creating automated marketing lead sources and building leverage strategies that would allow her to focus on her bigger fish.

So what is the trick to engaging “out-of-the-box” problem solving when you need it most? Here are a few tips to help you get started:

1. Access a Role Model. Think of someone who plays at another level of success and ask yourself, “What would XX do?” For instance, “What would Richard Branson do?” Even if you don’t have the financial resources that your role model does, it can still trigger a whole new level of ideas.

2. Do the Opposite. Sometimes it pays to challenge yourself and say, “What is the opposite of what I would normally do?” If you normally get frustrated, run to the airport and demand the next flight out (which for me creates a ton of stress) then maybe the opposite would be to book a night in a fancy hotel and go to the spa (much more appealing to me).

3. Change Careers. Not in reality but in your thinking. If you are a coach or consultant what if you pretend you are a famous actress? Or if you are a dentist or doctor pretend you are a public speaker. What kind of options surface when you try on a different “hat?”

4. Review your List of Life Goals. Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do that if you stretched into right now might help you solve the problem? For instance, Ali had always wanted to fly on a private jet so she figured if not now, when!

5. What If-I-Die-Tomorrow. Another way to look at it is, “What would I do if I knew I was going to die tomorrow?” You never know what life has in store so if you always play full out, what would you do differently today?

6. Access Your Millionaire Thinking. Another twist on getting outside of your box is to ask yourself, “If I was already a millionaire/billionaire, what would I do to solve this problem.” When we solve the problem in our current state of income, we tend to limit our options. Be willing to “act as if” you are already there and access new, unlimited resources.

If you truly want to play at a higher level then it’s time to blow up the box you are playing in. For instance, my client Janice decided to start doing the opposite. As someone who tends to be very analytical and risk-adverse, she decided to be more creative and a bigger risk taker. Within a few short weeks she realized it was time to build up a team that could help her implement more automated marketing systems. The clients began to roll in and she could focus on her personal magic.

It’s time for you to start playing outside of your box – which of these keys will you use?

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There is nothing more rewarding that being involved in a loving relationship. Life is made complete by sharing time with someone who offers and accepts support, enthusiasm and pleasure, whether a platonic friend, a family member or an intimate partner. It’s a feeling that we hope will last until the end of time. Loving someone is easy, but it takes care and effort to make the feeling last.

Life’s greatest joy can lead to great sadness and distress if one or both partners fail to address the basic elements of a good relationship. While relationship problems can be extremely stressful, they do not necessarily lead to ultimate failure. If both parties are willing, there is always the chance to fix the problem and revive the relationship.

When problems arise, it does take a little extra effort to keep your relationship intact. Many couples take things for granted, hoping and assuming that their problems will fix themselves or simply disappear. These couples will ride the wave, then reconcile without stopping to examine the cause of the problem or consider solutions to the problem.

This sense of indifference can create an unnecessary series of problems for many. In reality, many relationship dilemmas can be solved rather easily through caring discussion. Others difficulties can require the help of a counselor or mediator. Couples often find that professional guidance helps them to recover their relationship, enable them to discover different ways to work out their problems, and resolve to keep the problem from reoccurring. It is essential that every couple deal immediately with their problems, to get back on the right path and begin improving the relationship. If you still hold feelings for your partner, find a way to relight the fading intimacy of love.

Relationships are a natural part of human existence, as are relationship problems. Few people, if any, have experienced a purely problem-free relationship. There are several basic causes to these partnership breakdowns.

Experiencing close intimacy can give us moral support and joy, but being too close, or being “smothered” by a partner, can create a source of grief, disappointment, jealousy or misery.

Another common cause of relationship stress is the natural fluctuation of attraction. Sometimes we anticipate seeing our partner and are overjoyed at spending time together. At other times, we are passive and not overly eager. Or we might not feel the need or desire to see a partner, wanting simply to be alone. The natural ebb and flow of these feelings can definitely strain the relationship, but little can be done to control it.

Relationships can also be negatively affected by outside influences, like work demands or financial stability. These are two of the greatest sources of relationship strain, but unfortunately they are necessary evils in life that we can’t do without. Our jobs, and our money, provide the basics of life. Man, and woman, cannot live on love alone.

Differing goals and opinions are also potential relationship killers. If what we expect from each other varies greatly from one partner to the next, relationship problems will most certainly surface.

There are many complex issues that can cause wear and tear in our relationships, but only a few tried and true ways to treat them. Good communication, effective problem solving, mutual support, patience, and the willingness to spend quality time together are steps to solving virtually any relationship problem. Practice these with your partner, and eventually you will find that you are growing together.